


Walk by Faith, not by Sight (or Sound)

by trinipedia



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Big Bang Challenge, Challenge Response, Fanfiction, J2, M/M, Walk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-14
Updated: 2009-07-14
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:40:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9183973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinipedia/pseuds/trinipedia
Summary: This is so not your usual, safe love story: there's so much more to both of them than meets the eye (or the ear).Jared, a brilliant photography major practicing on a tv channel, lives to capture expressions with his camera.Jensen, a stunning bartender with a promising musical carreer blooming on the side, lives to carve emotions in people's hearts with his voice.Two worlds apart, brought together by an incredibly ironic fate; after they've met nothing will ever be the same again, even though, maybe, they're more similar than they'd ever thought.Also featuring Sophia Bush, Tom Welling and Chad Michael Murray.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** not mine in any way, shape or form.
> 
>  **Artist Name:** [ mashimero ](http://mashimero.livejournal.com/)
> 
> **Beta:** [ blueeyedliz ](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/)

 

 

  
[ ](http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e187/marty_rurulove/BigBang/WalkByFaith_files.png)

**20 YEARS AGO**  
   
   
Jared had been aware from an early age that there was something he couldn’t do that others clearly could.  
   
   
He was unable to recognize people by their voice, including his own parents and siblings, who he had great difficulty identifying over the phone.  
   
   
The family doctor couldn't understand what had caused the condition, until he came across an article in a popular science magazine, discussing _agnosias_ , rare diseases usually affecting secluded parts of the brain and impairing specific areas such as language, comprehension, speech and so on. The doctor realized Jared might have the vocal analogue form of the disease, and contacted the magazine, who put him in touch with the person who was responsible for the research.  
   
   
Dr Brad Duchaine, co-author of the paper, became extremely surprised as Jared's doctor explained the situation; he affirmed that occasionally, people had experienced problems recognizing voices following a stroke or brain damage, but Jared was the first documented case of someone growing up with that kind of condition and there was therefore nothing they could do for Jared besides helping him to cope with his condition in order to conduct a life as normal as possible.

   
It wasn't as easy as it seemed, though: voice recognition may not appear to be as important as visual or tactile recognition, given that failing to recognize someone over the phone shouldn't cause much social anxiety, and yet Jared discovered than we rely on voice recognition in our day-to-day lives, to identify people on the phone, those speaking on the radio or anyone we're not able to talk to in a face-to-face situation.  
   
   
Also, Jared couldn't recognize any famous voices, struggled to learn new sounds, and it was nearly impossible for him to identify the emotional state of the person speaking during the tests the doctor had him doing.  
   
   
However, even though he couldn't discriminate between instruments, he succeeded in identifying famous tunes and discovered he was somehow able to enjoy and appreciate music, though he couldn't recognize singers or tones.  
   
   
Since _phonagnosia_ , or _soundblindness_ , as Dr Duchaine said, had only been documented so far in people with brain lesions in the right hemisphere following a stroke or brain damage, the mechanisms behind it were not well understood, especially not in someone like Jared who was born with it: in his case, a MRI brain scan showed no evidence of brain damage in regions associated with voice or auditory perception, and his hearing abilities were found to be normal.  
   
   
Jared and his family decided to keep Jared's condition a secret, because teenagers could be cruel and they didn't know how they would react; besides, they would probably not understand how much Jared was affected by his state and how serious it all was.  
  


 

  


 

 

"Man, I would give anything to have been there to see the scene!"  
   
   
Chad laughs so hard he has trouble breathing.  
   
   
"Stop it, you moron," Jared mutters, blushing. "It wasn't funny at all."  
   
   
"You bet it was! God, I'm sure Sterling's face was so red you all thought his head was about to explode."  
   
   
Jared hides a smile taking a swig from his beer bottle.  
   
   
All in all, it _has_ been fun.  
   
   
He works in a call center, well, used to, anyway. It's the first job he found after moving with his High School friend Chad to LA, and he took it after long pondering. As far as Chad was concerned, he was going to have to deal with pissed off people he'd never have to talk to again after they hung up, so his soundblindness condition wouldn't have affected his performance at all. He wasn't suppose to _recognize_ them, but simply humor them, and as his friend effectively supplied, Jared was pretty good at it.  
   
   
Yeah, right.  
   
   
It had worked for a couple of weeks, until today, when a woman called and he greeted her with a 'good morning, _sir_.' And if that wasn't enough, the line went dead and the woman called again, only to be called 'sir' again. Obviously Jared didn't recognize her, and treated her like she was a new call.  
   
   
The woman had started to scream at him, demanding to talk to his boss and that was it; he had to come clean about his condition and was fired.  
   
   
Not that he was crushed (he hated that job) but still.  
   
   
"What am I going to do?" Jared whines. "I have my tuition to pay, and my photos are not good enough to be sold. It’s not like I can do so much more, at the moment."  
   
   
When no answer comes from Chad, Jared looks at him and find him sighing dreamily at the waitress once more.  
   
   
"Chad!" He exclaims, pinching his arm, "snap out of it, dude, you're making a fool of yourself. More so than usual," he adds, chuckling.  
   
   
Chad glares at him, rubbing at the hurt spot, but his attention shifts back on Jared.  "I already told you, Jay. You really should come and apply for that assistant position. Mike, the director of photography, keeps driving his assistants away because he's an overachiever son of a bitch, but I think you could be good for the job. I mean, you’re artistic, and you're great with lights, colors and stuff. I think you should give it a try, at least."  
   
   
Jared sets the empty beer bottle on their table and furrows his brow pensively.  
There is no doubt that's the kind of job he'd love to do, but Michael Rosenbaum is known to be a crazy fucker and he's not sure he can deal with two of them in the same workplace.  
   
   
Chad narrows his eyes and slaps him on the back of his head.  
   
   
"Ow! What was that for?"  
   
   
"I know you were thinking something bad about me, don't even try to deny it, bitch!" Then Chad's gaze focuses on the bottle and he looks back at Jared with a hopeful expression.  
   
   
"Yeah, Chad, I'd like another one," he answers, and watches his friend's face light up as he motions for the waitress to come over.  
   
   
The girl smiles at him.  "What's it to be, handsome?" She asks, batting her eyelashes.  
   
   
"Another round, Sophia, thanks." Chad answers gawking at her like she is the sun, the moon and everything in between.  
   
   
Jared looks at them, sees the twinkle in the girl's eyes answering to his friend's adoration and knows he'll be going home alone tonight.  
   
   
Every thought is blown away by the sudden piercing sound of a guitar being tuned, and he turns his head abruptly, his eyes zeroing on the most beautiful human being he's ever seen.

   
Short, spiky blond hair, piercing green eyes and sinfully pouting lips.  
   
   
The guy looks at the crowd and grabs the mike, smirking.  
   
   
He wears washed dark jeans and a blue shirt with the first three buttons open, showing a clear chest dusted with freckles.  Two bean bracelets on his left wrist and a silver ring on his right hand complete the picture.  
   
   
Jared swallows noisily while the guy picks up an electric guitar and puts the leather strap around his neck, trying a couple of chords.  "Hi everyone! How are you tonight?" He says into the microphone, licking his lower lip with clear intention.  
   
   
Some of the girls at the front scream, and he briefly introduces the other members of the band.  
   
   
Jared doesn't even get the names or what they're going to play; as long as that stunning beauty keeps standing there, under the lights, dressed like that and looking like that, he can sing either Carmina Burana or heavy metal, is not like Jared could tell the difference, after all.  
   
   
The thought is like a slap in the face: that guy is about to sing and probably give a multiple orgasm to the audience, and he won't hear it.  Jared looks at his hands on the table and feels lost, for a second, until a hand squeezes his shoulder.  Looking up, he meets Chad worried gaze, and forces himself to smile and shake his head.  
   
   
"Who's that?" Chad asks conversationally to Sophia, forgetting all about the flirting routine he was about to tune in and only thinking about Jared. He hasn't seen that expression on Jared’s face since Melvin Turner and his ruthless prank, and he had prayed not to see it ever again.  
   
   
"That guy? He's Jensen." Sophia answers, giggling, while in the background the guy cracks a joke and the audience laughs.  
   
   
"He's the bartender, but when there aren't many patrons he jumps on the stage. He's an amazing singer, one of the best on the indie scene, you'll hear him in a moment and you'll never forget it, believe me." She adds, winking.  Then she takes in Jared's blushed cheeks and his gaze locked on the stage and frowns.  
"Hey, listen. I just don't think that-"  
   
   
Right then, the guitar sounds again and the band starts to play.  Chad's grip on Jared's shoulder gets tighter. He knows how desperately Jared would like to _hear_ , just once, and he can only imagine how he's feeling. Hell, Chad’s as straight as an arrow and he can still tell the guy on stage is gorgeous, so Jared's probably about to drool or melt in a puddle of goo, but after what Sophia said about Jensen Jared must know he'll never be able to fully appreciate him and therefore he probably feels robbed.  Chad sighs.  
   
   
It’s hard being in such a complicated friendship.  
   
   
The drummer starts pounding out the beat, the guitar follows and the small space is filled with an enticing music.  
   
   
Jensen clears his throat and then grabs the mike with both hands, closes his eyes and starts singing.  
   
   
_It’s true that I’m a silver shadow and you are always on my mind; you need to get over here, we’ll disappear.  
Your secret’s safe, and no one has to know I’m your getaway and a little bit more than you can take; I can make everything feel so damn good.  
Soon we’re heading to a place where I’ll prove I’m all you want and more; you need to let it unfold, just like you’re told.  
I could’ve sworn we disappeared tonight: come on and dance with me, baby.  
And don’t you know I just appeared tonight?  
You want to dance with me all night, nobody there will ever see us; don’t talk, don’t walk, it’s just the two of us, come on and dance with me._  
   
   
Jensen's voice is rich, deep strong and so damn sensual, and the way the guy sways his hips... Chad gets why the girls have gone wild (he can see a couple of guys well on their way, too) but he doesn't get why, when he looks over at Jared once again, his friend is gone.  
   
Sophia, who has stayed next to Chad while the band are playing, elbows him and points towards the stage.  
   
Chad's eyes open wide: when the hell did Jared get all the way over there?

 

  


   
   
Jared blinks and pales: how did he get so close to the stage? When? Why?  
   
   
He's not sure about any of it, he just knows the song called out to him and pulled him closer.  
   
   
He also knows that Jensen was astounding, even though he couldn't really hear him sing, the guy owned the stage, and that was plain for anyone to see.  
   
   
"Hey, dude, are you lost?"  
   
   
The empty and monotone voice shakes him out of his reverie, and Jared looks at the one talking to him, shocked when he realizes it is Jensen.  
   
   
"Uh, er, I- great show, man," he stutters, mentally kicking himself as soon as the words are out. Jensen will probably think he's a weirdo, and that's the most optimistic hypothesis.  
   
   
However, Jensen simply chuckles and scratches the back of his neck. "Well, thanks," he answers, "I was kinda hoping you liked it. I mean, I saw you, as soon as I got up here, not that it was that hard since you're a freaking giant, but, yeah, shutting up now."  
   
   
Jared feels himself relaxing instantly when he realizes Jensen is a normal guy and there's no reason for him to feel nervous about talking to him.  
   
   
"Buy you a drink?" He asks then, and once Jensen nods, he adds "lead the way, then," as he usually does when he's with people. He'd never tell anyone he does it because he wants to be sure the person going with him is the right one. He wants to forget high school as soon as possible.  
   
   
If he'd seen the hunger reflected in Jensen's eyes for a split second, he would have probably changed his mind about him not being dangerous.

 

  


   
   
After the fourth (or was it the fifth?) beer and an imprecise number of shots, Jared excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He sways a little, but doesn't feel really drunk.  
   
   
He is washing his hands when the door opens and then slams closed behind him. He turns just in time to be pushed against the wall by Jensen. Jared would be scared if he didn't recognize the raw desire he sees in Jensen's eyes, where the blown pupils almost eat up all the green.  
   
   
“I've wanted you from the first second I saw you,” Jensen growls in his ear, in something that's probably supposed to be a sexy tone, and Jared almost laughs because, yeah, one of the worst things of being soundblind? Dirty talk doesn't do a lot for you, when the voice talking to you sounds like a bad toothpaste commercial.  
   
   
It’s Jensen's body pressed against him, anyway, it’s his mouth sucking and biting his neck, and all in all that's more than enough to turn him on.  
   
   
Jared moans, while he says something like _me too_ , before Jensen claims his mouth.  
   
   
They kiss hungrily for a handful of minutes, while their hands roam over each other's bodies, tracing muscles and bones and searching for sensitive spots.  
   
   
Jared discovers that Jensen's bellybutton zone makes him shiver, so he keeps caressing it, and Jensen keeps working on Jared's neck, trying to force those delicious moaning-whimpering sounds out of him.  
   
   
Their groins are rubbing against each other, almost desperately by now, and Jensen wants to fuck.  
   
   
Jared reads it clearly in every movement, every pant, every bite, but he can't.  
His first time won't be in a dirty bathroom stall with a guy like that who didn't even ask his name.  
   
   
“Jensen,” he hisses, trying to recover a little lucidity. “Jensen, I don't-I can't-” he groans “ **Stop.** ”  
   
   
He's sure his voice sounds frustrated, and that's apparently enough to stop Jensen.  
   
   
The guy lifts up his eyes, looking questioningly at Jared's face, and his mouth stops on Jared's jaw.  
   
   
“I can't do this. I won't fuck or get fucked, not here, not like this.”  
   
   
Jensen's smirk gets wider.  “Oh, my, you're a fucking _virgin?!_ ” He asks, disbelief plain on his face, “with a body like _that_?!”  
   
   
Jared blushes a little, suddenly self-conscious. He's not stupid, he knows he's not bad looking, he spent a lot of time in the gym, and he loves to jog around, but still the guy in front of him is perfect.  
   
   
His lean hips, his round hard ass, his biceps, his face. God, his _face._  
   
   
Jared swallows noisily and looks away, losing the moment when Jensen's expression softens.  
   
   
“We don't have to fuck, cowboy, there's many other things we can do.”  
He grabs Jared's shoulder and gently pushes, to make him turn. Jared's doubts probably show in his eyes, because Jensen smiles.  “Trust me. You'll like it. I won't hurt you, I promise, it will be so good.”  
   
   
Jared hesitates for a split second before nodding and turning.  He pushes both his palms against the bathroom wall, and forces himself not to flinch as Jensen undoes his belt buckle and unzips his pants, letting them fall down and pool around Jared's ankles before he does the same with his boxers.  
   
   
Jensen steps back, working on his own pants, and Jared freaks out a little, feeling small, lost and exposed as the previous time, when-  
   
   
But then Jensen's body is there, his chest pressed flushed against Jared's large back and it all feels alright again.  
   
   
“Spread your legs a little.” Jensen whispers in his ear, and sure enough, it’s just the sensation of Jensen’s plump lips brushing his skin that makes him shiver, but Jared feels one of his walls fall and sighs, complying.  
   
   
Jensen positions himself in between Jared's long legs and pushes his cock through his ass cheeks, until the tip is brushing against Jared's balls.  
Jared arches his neck and leans the back of his head on Jensen's shoulder, moaning loud at the sensation.  
   
   
“I told you you'd like it,” Jensen says, chuckling, his voice rough, while he grabs Jared's hips and starts pushing back and forth, stimulating Jared's body until he feels his skin itch.  
   
   
Jared's cock is leaking profusely, and one of Jensen's hands moves towards the front and fists him, slowly, according to his thrusts.  
   
   
“'m close.” Jared warns him, and Jensen just thrusts harder, making him feel split in two between the desire of pushing back against Jensen's body or forward into his tight grip.  
   
   
“Come for me, then, come on.” Jensen urges him, biting his neck _just right_ , and Jared closes his eyes and does, all over Jensen's fingers and the wall.  
   
   
Jensen keeps jacking him off through his orgasm, and after a couple more thrusts he comes too, his semen dripping on the inside of Jared's tights.  
   
   
It should feel disgusting, dirty and sticky, but Jared is pretty sure he’s never felt so good and right before.  
   
   
He leans his forehead against the cold tiles and breathes deeply, trying to calm down his racing heart.  
   
   
Behind him, Jensen is composing himself; after he has pulled up his jeans and zipped himself, he makes two steps towards the door and stops.  
“I guess I'll see you around, Jared.” he says, before leaving.  
   
   
His voice sounds bitter and regretful, but Jared doesn't know that.  
   
   
He just smiles, because it looks like Jensen did know his name, after all. It takes a few more minutes for him to leave the bathroom and go back to the real world, and when he does Jensen's gone.


	2. Chapter Two

“Who's your man?”  Chad rubs his hands together and grins widely.  
   
   
Jared has to smile back, because this time his friend really deserves his humongous ego massaging.  
   
   
Chad had taken Jared with him to the TV station and got him an interview with Michael _nut job_ Rosenbaum that same morning.  
   
   
The man, quite surprisingly, liked Jared and offered him the assistant job; Jared decided to be honest about his condition, and Michael simply slapped his shoulder and said “Even better! You're only supposed to listen to me, anyway, and I'll call you Jay-man. Ignore all the other fuckers.”  
   
   
Chad was still laughing about that one.  
   
   
“So, about yesterday...” Jared starts, trying to get some more details out of his friend, the friend who usually is all about the kiss and tell, but this time hadn’t said a word about his night that Jared supposes he’d spent with Sophia since he hadn’t come back to the apartment until morning.  
   
   
Chad shrugs.  “I think I’ve fallen for her, Jay. I think I'm whipped.” He looks dejected, and Jared _has_ to laugh.  
   
   
Chad gets mad and starts squeaking something that sounds like _don't mock my pain_ but then Jared looks at the bar and sees Jensen.  
   
   
His face lightens up and he stands.  “I'll be right back” he says, but as he steps towards the bar Chad grabs his arm.  
   
   
“Jay, man, look, maybe you shouldn't...” he bites his lower lip, and Jared blinks, surprised.  
   
   
Chad looks like he wants to say something, but in the end he just shakes his head and lets him go.  
   
   
“Grab a couple of beers while you're at it, OK?” He asks. Jared smiles, nods and goes.  
   
   
While he approaches the bar, his heart beats fast and he can feel his cheeks warm up; Jensen is talking with a few patrons, and he's laughing when Jared gets there and clears his throat.  
   
   
“Hi,” he greets him, shyly.  
   
   
Jensen turns a little towards him and arches an eyebrow.   “Do I know you?” He asks, blinking.  
   
   
Jared is too shocked by Jensen's reaction to see Sophia's eyes widen.  “I-we-yeah, you do, I'm-”  
   
   
Jensen interrupts him. “Listen kid, I'd love to stay here and chitchat with you, but unlike someone else I'm here to work. So, if you don't mind...”  
   
   
Jared grabs the stool with so much strength his knuckles go white.  What the hell is going on?!   
   
   
Sophia gets closer.  “Jensen, come on, don't be a jerk.”  
   
   
Jared lifts a hand, to stop her. “Leave it, Sophia. You can't ask him not to be what he clearly is.”  He turns abruptly and is about to walk away when he hears it.  
   
   
“Now, that ass I recognize. Hi Jared, how's it going?”  
   
   
For the first time in his life he's glad he's soundblind and therefore he can only imagine how much sarcasm is dripping from those few words.  
   
   
“Jensen, please!” Sophia tries to stop him, but Jensen has already jumped from behind the bar and is walking towards Jared.  
   
   
“What, are you after an encore of last night, kid?” Jensen asks, with that smirk of his, and Jared just loses it.  
   
   
He charges Jensen and slams him against the wall. Jensen's head hits the wall and the guy groans in pain.  His eyes are defying Jared, though.  
   
   
“Do you want to play it rough, Jared? Let's play it rough,” he hisses before punching Jared's stomach.  
   
   
Jared stumbles back, clutching at the throbbing pain in his belly, and Jensen takes advantage of his position to try and knee him as well, but Jared stops his leg and punches his jaw with all his strength.  
   
   
Jensen falls on the floor, and Jared's on him in a second.  
   
   
They exchange hits, trying to hurt, needing to see the pain on the other's face, until Chad approaches.  
   
   
“What the fuck are you doing, man?!” He shouts trying to peel Jared off of Jensen, but Jared doesn't recognize his friend's voice and elbows him, trying to break free so as to keep hitting Jensen.  
   
   
He has to die, the damn bastard has to _die_. Fuck, Jared has never felt so humiliated, so stupid, so weak.  
   
   
Never, not even in high school.  
   
   
He feels burning tears pool on the sides of his eyes and that's the only reason why he lets himself being pulled away.  
   
   
He won't let Jensen see how much he has really hurt him, the fucker doesn't deserve it.  
   
   
He didn't deserve any of Jared to begin with.  
   
   
Chad manhandles him out of the bar before the security guys can and once they're outside he shakes Jared repeatedly.  “What were you trying to do, Jay?! What has gotten into you?! You’ve never done anything like this before, you didn't hit Melvin, and God knows he deserved it, so why-”  
Chad suddenly stops, realization dawning on him.  
   
   
“He fucked you, didn't he?! Oh, Christ, Jay-”  
   
   
Jared shakes his head. Bad move, now everything spins and he has to lean against Chad to avoid falling.  “No one fucked anyone, Chad, chill. Something happened, though, and I didn't expect him to act this way, that's it.”  
   
   
Chad looks at him, sadly.  “That's what I was trying to tell you tonight,” he says, slowly. “I talked to Sophia, because I thought you seemed quite taken with the guy, and she told me to try and keep you away from him. He's a one night stander, he’s never had a relationship and he cares so little about the guys he fucks that he doesn't even recognize them after he’s had them. But I guess you know that already.”  
   
   
Those traitorous tears finally win the battle with Jared's willpower and start running down his cheeks.  “It’s not his fault, Chad.” Jared states, drying them angrily with his sleeve, “it’s only mine. He approached me in a bathroom stall and jumped on me, how could I have been so immature to think it would actually mean something?”  
   
   
Chad watches as his best friend breaks down, and does the only thing he can do.  
He hugs him tight against his chest and gets ready to put him back together.

 

 

   
    
 

 **SIX MONTHS AGO**  
   
   
“I wonder how that guy can keep drinking at this rate,” Jensen mutters, getting the guy in question one more beer.  
   
   
“Oh, easy. He's drooling so much he's diluting all of his drinks.” Sophia answers, while preparing a cocktail.  
   
   
Jensen stares at the guy for a moment, through his half-mast eyelids, like he's evaluating if the guy's worth it.  
   
   
“So he's the lucky winner, tonight? Are you going to put him out of his misery or not?” Sophia asks, chuckling as Jensen shows her his middle finger before walking towards the guy.  
   
   
“May I?” Jensen says, motioning at the empty stool next to him.  
   
   
The guy looks at him, eyes a little unfocused, before nodding.  
   
   
Jensen slides gracefully onto the stool and, grabbing the guy's beer drinks some of it.  “So, what are you doing around here?”  
   
   
The guy blinks, confused.  “Do you-” he starts, then shakes his head, “don't you...”  
   
   
Jensen puts a hand on the guy's knee, caressing it, following the outline of the bones with the tips of his fingers. He hears the sharp intake of breath and knows he's gonna get lucky.  “Wanna get out of here?” Jensen asks, then stands and walks towards the door, not even bothering to turn and see if the guy's following him or not.  
   
   
He knows he is.

 

   
   
The drive to the guy's place is short and silent, and they don't talk much during the sex, either.  
   
   
The guy keeps looking straight into Jensen's eyes, like he's searching for something, and every time he comes away empty handed he groans in frustration.  
   
   
In the end, once they're done and Jensen's getting dressed to leave, the guy asks him to stay.  
   
   
“Baby, I would never spend the night with someone I don't know. Besides, you were good, but not _that_ good.”   He moves a couple of steps back.  
   
   
“Jensen, wait! I just want-”  
   
   
Jensen stops at the bedroom's door before exiting, turning his head a little towards the guy.  “What did you say your name was?”  
   
   
The guy looks down at where his hands are clenching the sheets.  “To-dd” he stutters.  
   
   
Jensen smiles.  “Well, Todd, thank you for the _exciting_ evening. Have a nice life.”  
   
   
Only after Jensen’s been gone for at least ten minutes does Todd let himself fall back against the pillows, recalling their conversation.  
   
   
“You _do_ know me, Jensen,” he whispers, eyes filling up with tears. “I'm the one who doesn't know you anymore.”

 

 

   
 

Do you care to explain what that was all about, Jensen?”  Sophia sounds pissed.  
   
   
Hell, she has every right to be.  
   
   
Jensen started a fight, destroyed bar property and on top of it he’s avoided her for the rest of the night.  
   
   
He doesn't answer though, and keeps washing the glasses.  
   
   
“Ok, why don't I start then? You spent the whole afternoon on damn cloud 9, you didn't stop talking about this kid for a whole second and when he finally approaches you, you pull this stunt?! Are you that afraid of liking someone? Or is it the fear of being actually liked, for once? I know you’ve never acted like this before, with none of the guys you fucked in the back or in the alley.”  
   
Jensen clenches at the glass he's washing, then he looks at her with narrowed eyes and smashes it against the wall, shards of glass flying everywhere.  
   
   
Sophia jumps back, flinching.  “What the-”  
   
   
“Leave it alone, Sophia,” he hisses, throwing the towel and kicking the bar.  “Leave it the fuck **alone**.”  
   
   
He knows it all, dammit, he knows it better than anyone, and that's why he has to be alone.  He knew it was a bad idea getting close to that Jared kid, he knew things wouldn’t end well, but he couldn't stop himself.  
   
   
Good thing is that thanks to what has happened he probably won't have to see him ever again.  
   
   
And if it hurts in places he didn't know it could, no one has to know.

 

 

 

 **3 YEARS AGO**  
   
   
After the accident, Jensen realized that something was wrong.  
   
   
He was having trouble recognizing faces, and at the beginning he told himself it was normal, especially after a head injury; he also had trouble remembering other people's names, and it still didn't worry him, but then he started not being able to recognize the faces of people he had encountered many times.  
   
   
He knew when he was looking at a face, and he could describe its features, but he had completely lost any sense of overt recognition, there was no feeling of familiarity.  
   
   
When he finally had trouble making out his parents' and siblings' faces, and he realized he had lost the ability to interpret facial expressions, he booked an appointment with his house doctor, who made the suggestion he should go to see a neurologist.  
   
   
The neurologist (who he went to see without saying anything to his family to avoid worrying them unnecessarily) started asking him about what he relied on to identify someone he knew.  
   
   
He thought about it and found out that after the accident he had started putting all of his reliance on non-facial information such as hair, gait, clothing, voice, and other information. He had also experienced difficulty imagining the facial appearance of acquaintances and schoolmates.  
   
   
The doctor showed him a snippet from a famous TV show, and Jensen discovered he had trouble following the plot because he was unable to keep track of the identity (identities) of the characters.  
   
   
“You are affected by prosopagnosia,” the doctor said. “Your condition has been most likely caused by some minor brain damage suffered from the head trauma, since you recall you had normal face recognition abilities before the accident.”  
   
   
Jensen's whole world fell down on him.  
   
   
“What...what does that mean? What am I supposed to do?” He asked, his voice breaking.  
   
   
“It just means you are, for want of a better term, face blind. It will progressively get worse, and in a month, maybe less, you won't be able to recognize any of the faces around you. I'm sorry, Jensen. As for the future...Face recognition impairments are socially disabling, but there are a few strategies you can develop for tackling the problem. For example, you may note carefully what clothes someone is wearing, ask relatives always to wear a particular distinctive item or become adept at initiating or maintaining a conversation whilst you work out who you're talking to. However, these strategies won't always work, so be prepared to face the reaction of society and people around you to something as rare as your condition.”  
   
   
“Can't I-I mean, can't we...cure it in some way? There's no chance it will go away on its own?”  Jensen was close to begging for a solution, but the doctor simply shook his head.  
   
   
“There's no cure for this kind of brain disease, Jensen. Again, I'm sorry. Believe me, I'd do anything not to have to tell you this. You're so young.”  
   
   
The doctor then proceeded to explain that Jensen's condition was due to a unilateral lesion of the right cerebral hemisphere, that damaged the ventromedial regions of occipitotemporal cortex, including the lingual, fusiform, and parahippocampal gyri, and more anterior parts of the temporal lobes, but Jensen wasn't listening to him anymore.  
   
   
He was already planning how to leave without his parents finding out about any of this.  
   
   
_I'll go to Los Angeles_ he thought _there's so many people over there that no one will make an issue out of my inability to recognize them._

 

 

 

 **A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER**  
   
   
“And-cut! That’s it for today, folks, you can go home. Not you, Tom, I need to talk to you for a moment.”  Eric Kripke, director of the current show playing on the TV station Jared and Chad are working at, gets down from his chair and walks towards the youngest actor on the plate, Tom Welling.  “Did you get next week's episode script?”  
   
   
Tom nods, grimacing a little.  
   
   
“So you know is a _musical_ episode, then.”  
   
   
The grimace gets wider.  
   
   
“Are you telling me the rumors are right? You _can't sing?_ ”  
   
   
Tom looks sheepish, and Kripke sighs.  “Don't worry, we'll find a replacement that can sing in your place. It’s not a big deal.”  
   
   
Tom's handsome face lights up and he thanks the director profusely, before hopping away towards his trailer.  
   
   
Mike walks next to Kripke and glares at him.  “You do know that, unless an amazing and unknown singer falls into our lap right this second it won't be possible for us to shoot the episode, right?”  
   
   
Kripke shrugs. “What was I supposed to say? The kid's new in the business, this is his first important gig and he's already nervous as hell. I'm just trying to avoid giving him any unnecessary stress, that's all. It's only for a couple of extra episodes, we'll think of something.”  
   
   
Chad is about to take off his headphones when he catches the conversation between the directors and stops to think about it.  On one hand, the way things are now he has one asshole less to worry about, but on the other Jared has been miserable since they last went to that bar...  
   
   
Chad only needs a couple of seconds to make his decision before walking up to the two men.  
   
   
“Hi, Chad Michael Murray, one of the PAs. I think you should come with me.”

 

 

Mike and Eric look around the small smoky bar and then back at Chad, both skeptically arching an eyebrow.  
   
   
Chad simply grins and excuses himself while he goes to Sophia and informs her about the possibility for Jensen, skillfully keeping Jared out of it all.  
   
   
Sophia directs them to a table close to the stage, and as soon as they're seated, she takes their orders, exchanging a loving glance with Chad. They haven't seen each other much lately, since Jared obviously didn't want to go back to the bar and Chad had spent most of his time at work or trying to mend his friend's broken heart.  
   
   
He looks at the bar, and sees Jensen cleaning the glasses with unnecessary force, like he wants to punish them for something, so he knows he made the right decision.  
   
   
Jensen is clearly as miserable as Jared, maybe even more so, if the frightened faces of the patrons are anything to go by.  
   
   
Finally, the time comes and Jensen steps on the stage. Mike and Eric's eyes widen when they take a look at the guy.  
   
   
But as soon as Jensen starts singing, Mike sputters and almost chokes himself with the drink.  
   
   
_The lips that slip are the lips that press, and the lips that leak seem to know you best; I put bodies into motion, keep this skin out in the open.  
I'm a bed spread bandit since '89, you wear your heart on your sleeve and threw mine to the sky; bounce baby, bounce back to me, you don't need this, call it quits with honesty.  
Every word is a curse let loose on me; your mouth it moves but fails to speak, and when you use your lips they better be on me.  
The lies that tied your tongue in knots are the words that grew to hit my spots, so filthy, dialed desire: I swallowed pride but spit out fire, liars turn me on._  
   
The audience starts clapping and screaming, and both directors stand up at the same time.  
   
   
“I want him.” Eric states.  
   
   
“Yeah.” Mike echoes.  
   
   
After Jensen’s set is finished, Chad takes them to Jensen and they make their offer: a week of shooting, big bucks and the chance of getting a job at the TV station.  
   
   
Jensen doesn't even have to think about it.


	3. Chapter Three

Jared is on his lunch break when it happens.

 

He hears some music coming from the main room where he knows they're adjusting the sound for the afternoon shoot and doesn't pay much attention to it, until a voice starts to sing.

 

A voice he knows.

 

He lets the plate fall, forgetting instantly about his lunch and everything that is not directly connected with the voice he recognizes as belonging to Jensen, and runs to the room, stopping at the entrance door to listen.

 

I'm sitting here all by myself,just trying to think of something to do, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you, but you know?  
It's not working out, 'cause you're all that's on my mind; one thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.  
I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me, but the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me.  
You know, the holidays are coming up and I don't want to spend them alone; memories of Christmas time with you will just kill me if I'm on my own.  
I know it's not the smartest thing to do, we just can't seem to get it right, but what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight!  
I'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar, but with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far.  
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you; oh please, baby, won't you take my hand? We've got nothing left to prove.  
I didn't mean to meet you then, when we were just kids, and I didn't mean to give you chills the way that I kiss.  
Well, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did, and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did; I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did, and you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.  
Don't say you don't love me back, because I know you do.

 

“Jay, man, are you OK?” Chad's voice gets to him all clouded up, because Jared's mind feels like it's full of cotton.

 

The only thing he can hear is Jensen, Jensen's voice, Jensen's voice.

 

Is an overwhelming sensation Jared never thought he was ever going to feel, and it's making him dizzy; he doesn't even know he has started to cry until the salted drops get to his lips and he licks at them unconsciously.

 

Chad shakes him. “What's going on?!” He asks again.

 

Jared has a stupid smile on his face, and the tears don't seem to stop. “I hear him,” he mutters in the end. “Chad, I hear him. Oh, God.”

 

Chad's mouth hangs open. “Is this even possible?!” He wonders in disbelief.

 

“I-I don't know. I'm calling Dr. Duchaine right now.”

 

His fingers shake so much as he tries to press the correct keys that Chad has to take the phone and dial the number himself.

 

The doctor's answer is surprising. “Yeah, it can happen. I didn't tell you anything before because I didn't want Jared to harbor fake hopes; usually, sound blind people can only recognize one specific voice, since the acknowledgement is based on highly specific features and every voice is different, and it belongs to famous actors or singers most of the time. I suggest you to test it multiple times to be sure, though.”

 

“We will. Thanks, Doc.”

 

Chad and Jared spend the rest of the afternoon going through pre-recorded tapes, that Chad keeps playing randomly to test Jared's recognition, and he gets Jensen's voice right every single time.

 

There's no way Chad could stop him from trying to talk to Jensen one last time.

 

 

 

  
“Good job, guys! It's a wrap for today! Thank you, Jensen, you were great.”  
Kripke dismisses cast and crew, and both Mike and he leave the studio, satisfied.

 

Jensen is drinking from his bottle, his throat is dry and sore, when someone pats him on the shoulder.

 

“Hey, Jensen,” the guy says. At first, Jensen's heart jumps in his chest: tall? Dark haired? But then the guy moves a little towards the light and he recognizes the suit.

 

“Hi, Tom, right?” He greets him back.

 

“I just wanted to, uhm, thank you. You're saving my ass here, you know.”

 

Jensen chuckles and then shrugs. “It's OK, they're paying me a great deal of money for it,” he answers, waving his hand dismissively and winking at Tom.

 

Tom chuckles and shakes his head. “Listen, man do you want to...go out? Grab a bite?”

 

Jensen is tempted to say yes. The guy is gorgeous, is obviously hitting on him and it has been too long since he last got laid.

 

Still, even if in his mind everything is clear, what comes out of his mouth is, “nah, thanks but I'm tired and I can't wait to get home.”

 

“Maybe I can drive you, then?”

 

Dammit, this Tom guy doesn't know when to stop, does he?

 

“I came with my car. I appreciate it, though.”

 

Finally Tom seems to get the message and after saying goodbye he leaves.

 

Jensen turns towards his table and has just started to collect his stuff when he's patted on the shoulder again.

 

He turns: tall. Dark haired.

 

“What now?” He spits.

 

The guy steps back lifting his hands, and that's when Jensen realizes he's not wearing a suit but a red sweater.

 

It can't be.

 

“...Jared?” He asks tentatively.

 

There's no reason why Jared should be here, but who else could be that tall, wear a hideous sweater and still look fine?

 

“Yeah, it's me. We're making progresses, I reckon, since this time you actually recognize me?”

 

Jensen grimaces a little. Well, he deserves it. “What are you doing here?” He asks.

 

Jared blinks. “I work here, jerk. I'm the director of photography's assistant, Chad found me the job, he works here too.”

 

Jensen's eyes open wide, suddenly self-conscious, and he feels like that night at the bar, when the tall, built kid was the only thing he could see from the stage. “You...you've heard me sing?” He asks. But before he can also ask if Jared liked the song (that, if he thinks about it, sounded like a declaration of love) Jared grabs his arm and starts to talk hyper fast.

 

“I did! God, Jensen, it was amazing! You know, I get you weren't expecting nothing else to happen between us but a meaningless one night stand, but I have to ask you to reconsider. I mean, I can hear you, Jensen.” Jared finally takes a breath, and scratches the back of his neck, as though he's embarrassed about something. “Listen Jensen, I-I have a brain disease.”

 

COME AGAIN?! Jensen opens his mouth but can't get any words out.

 

Jared takes it as his cue to go on. “Yeah, apparently I'm born with it. The doctor called it soundblindness, it means I can't recognize any tone, voice, emotion, musical instrument and so on. I can somewhat make out a melody, but that's it. I've been receiving only programmed calls on my phone since when I started middle school. In fact, I lost the job I had before this one because a customer called two times and I didn't recognize her. So when I saw you at the bar, that night, I didn't pay much attention to you singing, I focused on your body language and on how the light seemed to caress you, instead.” Jared bites his lower lip, shifting his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

 

“It took all of my courage to come closer the night after, Jensen, and it hurt like hell being ditched that way. I admit it, I've been missing you like crazy lately, but I firmly decided not to come by the bar anymore. What the eyes don't see, the heart can't miss, right? And then, yesterday, I dropped by the studio while they were doing some sound tests and I heard a tape with your voice on it. Your voice. I knew it was you, immediately. Obviously I couldn't tell if you were singing or just talking, I didn't know what kind of feelings you were trying to convey or how loud your voice was...but I knew it was yours. It resounded in my head and, God, I-I thought I would never feel this way. It turns out that there's only one voice in the world I'll ever be able to distinguish, and it's yours.” Jared lifts his big eyes, shiny with unshed tears, and Jensen feels dizzy.

 

“I'm not asking for anything, Jensen. I'd just like you to try, because, hey, all of this must mean something.” Then he pushes his hands deep in his pockets and stares at his feet, waiting for some kind of answer.

 

Jensen is scared, scared shitless, because this? This is the last thing he was expecting. Jared has the same problem he has? Well, not exactly the same, but it works in the same way.

 

Jared wouldn't think he's weak, simply because Jared is not weak, not by a long shot, and still he's not hiding his condition.

 

Jensen feels a pang of desire; he wants some of Jared's light, he wants to get lost in the warmth of his body, he wants to entrust him with his damaged heart, sure somehow that he won't damage it further. “Jared, you see, actually I'm-”

 

“Jay-man! What are you doing still here? Can't leave this shack, can you?” Mike jumps out of nowhere and Jensen instinctively flinches and steps back, so as to put some distance between him and Jared.

 

Jared looks hurt and Jensen hates himself a little for that.

 

“Actually, I was about to leave, Mike.” Jared says, then looks sheepishly at Jensen. “Would you, uh, like to go grab something to eat?”

 

And really, Jensen would laugh, because Tom asked him the same question and he gave him one answer, but now here he is giving Jared another.

 

“Yeah, I'd like that.”

  


 

Hidden away further down the side of the building, Tom watches as Jared and Jensen leave together.

 

He feels his blood boiling, and he narrows his eyes.

 

He wanted Jensen first.

 

Hell, he even had him first.

 

Besides, what can that gangly kid give to Jensen that he can't, more and better?

 

He is a fucking TV star, dammit.

 

He got in the business, when an agent approached him in a shop asking him if he wanted to be famous, only because he hoped Jensen would notice him then; that's why when he saw Jensen coming in through the door from the studio, he stupidly thought the guy was there for him.

 

Maybe he’d realized he’d made a mistake, maybe he wanted to ask for a second chance, and Tom was ready to forgive him and to open his arms (and every other part Jensen might be interested in).

 

But then...

 

Then they introduced Jensen to him and the guy didn't show any sign of knowing him.

 

And yeah, six months had passed by, but Tom hadn’t changed that much, and Jensen couldn't possibly be that good of an actor. He was inclined to think Jensen was a fucking asshole when something came to mind. What if the accident somehow affected his memory? Maybe Jensen had forgotten about him as a result of the trauma?

 

He called back home and asked to be put through to Kristin, the lady he knows works as a nurse for the central hospital.

 

“Come on, K.” He asked, his voice sweet and thick like honey “I'm just worried about him.”

 

“Tommy, I'd love to help you, you know I would, but my job's at stake here! Only the patient and the health-care providers directly involved in delivering care have the right to view the record. If any of the doctors find out I've been snooping around, they'll fire me and I'll never work in another hospital!”

 

“Please, K. For old times' sake. Feels like it's been so long, doesn't it? God, it feels like yesterday I'd see you bounce around wearing your cheerleader outfit...it was so cute...” Tom adds a dreamy sigh, and it finally gets him through.

 

“Ok, Latin lover, so what do you need to know?”

 

 

  
Once Kristin reads him the report in Jensen's records and he has researched thoroughly to find out what Jensen's condition entails, Tom's brain starts to put together a plan.

 

Everything makes sense now!

 

That's why Jensen didn't recognize him at the bar and now, he couldn't possibly.  
He should have known Jensen was not going to forget him this quickly. Another thing he's sure of, is that Jared doesn't know about Jensen's condition. Jensen lied to him, as he lied to Tom long, long before.

 

But the fact they've been through the same doesn't make anything the photography assistant's is doing right.

 

Just wait and see, Jared. Jensen belongs to me.

 

He always has. 

  


 

THREE YEARS AGO

 

“Man, this party sucks,” Jensen groaned, leaning against a column.

 

It was the last High School party before graduation; exams done and dusted, everyone was finally allowed to relax, so the captain of the football team had invited everyone who counted to his house, since his folks were going to be away for the weekend.

 

Still, looked like Jensen, defense star of the team, wasn't enjoying himself; from his spot hidden behind the house, Tom Warner was watching in rapture as the two guys talked.

 

“Is the sucking problem related to the fact that you haven't got any of it going on yet?” asked the guy standing next to him, Chris, one of the benchwarmers, invited only because of his best friend of the star status.

 

Jensen chuckled laying his head back and looking up at the sky. “Yeah, you're probably right” he conceded, finishing the beer he had in his hand and throwing the empty bottle on the grass, where it joined a little mound of others, before grabbing a new one.  
  Tom's eyes were glued on Jensen's neck, and when he saw the guy swallowing, Tom swallowed as well, noisily, feeling his cock growing in his jeans. “Maybe you should go back inside, then” Chris suggested “you know that half of the people in there would kill to be fucked by you.”    
Jensen seemed to be considering it, and stepped away from the column; Tom knew that this was his last chance, if he let Jensen walk inside, he wouldn’t come back there, and in a month he'll be out of school and out of Tom's life.  
  He had to ask his friend Kristin, who had been instantly invited, being a cheerleader, to bring him along; he hated himself for leading her on like that, since he knew she was head over heels for him, but he had to try.

 

 He has been in love with Jensen since before he knew what love was, and he knew that if Jensen had known him, he would have loved him back.  
  Now or never he thought and, after willing away his erection, he marched straight to them. “Hey, aren't you Jensen?” he asked to capture the guy's attention, even if he cringed internally at the lameness of the comment.  
  Still, Jensen's eyes zeroed on Tom, giving him an appreciative look.  
“I don't think I'll need to go inside after all, Chris,” he said to his friend, not low enough for Tom not to catch, like he wanted to establish what exactly he wanted from him.  
  Tom kept his gaze locked with Jensen's, sure that it was all an act and that everything was about to change.  
  Jensen's smile grew wider, and Chris shrugged and left, muttering something like whatever, fucker. Not like Tom was paying any attention to him, anyway.  
  “So...” Jensen started, waking towards Tom, “you know who I am, apparently, but I don't know you yet.”    
Tom's tongue felt like it was made of clay, but he tried to open his mouth to introduce himself. Before he could, though, Jensen has already turned his back to him and he was looking for his jacket.    
“So, stud, do you want to get out of here?” He asked, throwing away the now empty bottle.    
“Sure, should we take a cab?” Tom asked, eyeing the pile of empty beer bottles.    
“Nah, I'm fine.” Jensen stated, shrugging. “I can handle my alcohol, kid.”

 

He took a couple of steps towards the parking before stopping. “Are you coming or what?” Jensen asked, annoyance lacing his words. “If you don't feel like it, I could always listen to Chris and take a walk inside...”  
  The fear of Jensen leaving with someone else after he had been so close to everything he dreamed about during the last couple of years made up Tom's mind for him. “I'm right behind you.”

 

 

 

 

 "Got an eighteen year old kid, head injury, flatline."  
  "All right, how long down?"  
  "Less than half an hour, been involved in a car accident, we’ve been working on him for fifteen, gave him two rounds of eppy, two of atrophine."  
  "Any signs of life?"  
"We got him back once then we lost him again."    
"Right, let’s get him on a monitor. Someone please check ventilation!"  
  "No spontaneous respiration."  
  "Pupils are… fixed and dilated."  
  "Well, we got him back once, maybe we can do it again. Let’s have a high dose of appy, a pulse ox and a title CO2 detector."

 

❦

 

 "All right, on my count, watch your hand there, one, two, three, go. All right, any signs of drugs, alcohol in the blood?"  
  "No, nothing, he was sitting shotgun when the car hit the pole."  
  "No readable pulse."  
  "Asystole."  
  "No response to pain."  
  "Anybody got any good news?"  
  "He's only sixteen. I checked his ID and called his family."  
  "Entering comatose state."  
  "Alright, take him down to ICU, get him hooked to the diagnostics."  
  "Doctor? The boy’s mother’s out in the waiting room, she’d like to talk to someone."

 

❦

 

 "All right hold, hold the compressions. Any sign of a rhythm?"  
  "Random beeps, there’s not a rhythm yet."  
  "He’s down with the game, we just gotta get it to capture."  
  "He’s throwing PVCs."  
"No, hold that lidocaine. Maximum gain. Come on. Come on!"  
  "He’s got a rhythm!"  
  "Pulse?"  
  "Strong at 120."  
  "Well, let’s send him to CT find out where this bleeder’s coming from; hope he’s got some brain left."  
  "If he wakes up, he’ll probably have some kind of brain damage. Better call the parents to prepare them."

 

❦

   
"Mrs. Warner?"  
  "It's me. How's my son?"  
  "Your son is not in immediate danger anymore. He's entered a coma."  
  "Why would Tom be in a coma? He’s sixteen years old and a picture of health!"  
  "He was involved in a serious car accident and he suffered a central nervous system injury of the spinal cord, which is what has caused the coma."  
  "What are we talking about, exactly?"  
  "As you're probably aware, a coma is a profound state of unconsciousness; a comatose person cannot be awakened, fails to respond normally to pain or light, does not have sleep-wake cycles, and does not take voluntary actions."  
  "When is he going to wake up?"  
  "A coma rarely last more than 2 to 5 weeks, especially in cases like your son's; he didn't suffer a major injury, just some minor damage from having his head or neck knocked into some part of the car, probably the dashboard."  
  "What after that? I mean, once he wakes up? Will he be alright?"  
  "Recovery usually occurs gradually, patients acquire more and more ability to respond; I think we can safely assume that Tom will be able to recover full awareness. However, take into account that regaining consciousness is not instant: in the first days, patients are only awake for a few minutes, and duration of time awake gradually increases. Don't force him."  
  "Please, don’t give up on him. He’s all that I have. Please."

 

❦

 

 Bonnie Warner walked inside of her son's hospital room. “Tom! Is it true that you won't tell your father who the crazy guy driving the damn car was?!”  
  Tom sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Mom, please, don't scream. My head hurts.”    
A pang of guilt crossed Bonnie's face as she sat next to the bed. “I'm sorry, honey, but it has been two weeks since you woke up. That kid took away almost two months of your life, and who knows if you'll ever recover completely...I think he deserves to pay for this.”  
  Tom lifted his head and stared at his mother. “I don't. I chose to get in his car, I chose to go with him. Therefore, is my fault as much as his. I don't want him to pay for anything.” I just want him to come and see me soon.  
  He never did.  
  It took Tom three more weeks before he was allowed to leave the hospital, and that's when he finally discovered that Jensen had left the town.  
  Also, he didn’t make a full recovery until Christmas, and by then no one knew anything about Jensen's whereabouts. Or no one wanted to tell him, anyway.    
It took Tom another two years to find out Jensen was in LA, but he only needed four days to decide to follow him there.  
  He was going to find him, even if it took him all of his life, and they were finally going to be together.


	4. Chapter Four

 

“So you're a photography mayor.” Jensen dips his fries in the thick, spicy sauce.  

 

“Yup,” Jared answers, mouth full of fried chicken. He swallows and then explains that since he couldn't rely on his hearing and he didn't have music, not really, he decided to focus all his efforts in making the best out of his sight, even if he found out he had this passion a little late and therefore had to change college after a couple of years, which is why he was still in his first year even though he was 20 already.

 

“Besides, the world is so beautiful, but you know what fascinates me the most? People's faces. They're all different, like voices, I guess, the little details are what make a face interesting or boring. It's a chipped tooth, a strangely shaped mole, or freckles, like yours, that make each person a complicated universe. Besides, all the emotions and feelings I can't get from voices, I get from smiles, eyes, jaws. So yeah, I'm studying more or less all kinds of photography, but I'm going to specialize in the portrait field. At least, that's what I'd like to do.”

 

Jared takes a sip from his large Coke before smiling at Jensen. “What about you? Why did you come to Los Angeles?”  

 

Jensen feels his resolution to come clean about his condition weaken a little after every word that comes out of Jared's mouth, and once he has heard his elegy on the beauty of faces and expressions he knows he can't tell him. He would be crushed.

 

“Nothing special, I come from a small town and I wanted to see some of the world. I came by LA and decided to stay for a little while; three years after that, I'm still here, trying to make it big with my music.”

 

  Jared looks thoughtful. “You know, I'd give anything to be able to listen to it. I mean, the directors personally picked you to sing on the show, you must be good.” It hurts him not being able to share with Jensen something's that obviously so important to him.

 

  Jensen just shrugs, though, and nudges him. “Well, you can hear my voice, somehow. Being the situation as complicated as it is, I reckon we can't complain, don't you think?”  

 

Jared chuckles, and shakes his head to clear it up a little. “I guess you're right,” he answers, before digging into his chicken bucket one more time.

 

 

  
[](http://s39.photobucket.com/albums/e187/marty_rurulove/BigBang/?action=view&current=WalkByFaith_Jensen2.png)  

 

 Jensen parks his SUV in front of Jared's condo. “Well, thanks for the lift, man.” Jared says taking off his seat belt.   
 Jensen waves a hand dismissively. “Yeah, don't mention it,” he answers, and reaches for Jared's door to open it, as he usually does for everyone who rides with him, since the door gets stuck pretty much all the time.   
 What he hadn't thought about was how _close_ he was going to be to Jared, doing that.

 

Suddenly the air crackle around them, charged with expectation. Their eyes meet for a split second. “Jared...”

 

  Jared licks his lips nervously, and Jensen can't help leaning forward and capturing them with his.

 

The kiss start tentative and soft, but gets more heated by the second; in no time they're grabbing at each other, shoulders, biceps, any part they can reach, while scrabbling to get their fingers under the clothes, craving the skin on skin contact.  

 

Jensen groans in frustration at the uncomfortable position, and shifts getting almost in Jared's lap.    
His knee rubs against Jared's erection and the moan one of them (or both) made is swallowed by the kiss.

 

There's saliva dripping on their chins, and they'll probably have bruises tomorrow, but they can't bring themselves to care.

 

Jared licks Jensen's lower lip before sucking it into his mouth and biting on it lightly.   
 Jensen growls, and grabs Jared's belt buckle to undo it. That's when Jared's eyes snap open and he starts to push Jensen away, even though his eyes are still dark with lust.  

 

Jensen needs a few seconds to actually recover enough control to untangle himself from Jared. “What's wrong?” He asks, voice husky and thick.   
 Jared swallows noisily, and Jensen loses himself in his Adam's apple bobbing.

 

“Jensen, I-I can't do this. Not again.” He shakes his head like before at the diner, trying to gain a little more clarity. “I want you, God knows I do, but it's something more than just sex for me. I'm not a _wham, bam, thank you ma'am_ type of guy, I don't want to be, you should have got that by now.”  

 

“Damn straight I have.” Jensen mumbles, willing his raging erection to subside with not much result. Finally he gives up and concentrates on Jared. “What do you want from me, Jared? You were the one who asked me to try again.”

 

Jared nods slowly. “Yeah, I did. But I wanted us to try to be _together._ That's what I don't know if we can be, because, fuck, I think we both know we can totally be awesome in bed.”  

 

He actually _blushes,_ saying that, and Jensen has to suppress a whine. He can still feel Jared's fingers pressing into his skin, he probably marked him with the strength he applied and still he's able to _blush_ like that? Does he realize how _hot_ he looks when he does that? This kid is going to be the death of him, one way or another.

 

“I'm not sure I can do it,” Jensen answers honestly. He can't recognize Jared's eyes, but he can see them, and he knows he can't lie to them. 

 

Jared lowers his head. “That's what I thought. So I suggest that, until you're sure, we take it slow. Let's try to get to know each other, be friends, and maybe...just _maybe._ ”

 

Jared doesn't end his thought, but Jensen understands it nonetheless.

 

He nods, because there's nothing else he can do; he watches as Jared gets out of his car and goes into his condo, and feels a sudden pang in his chest that he doesn't completely understand.

 

 

 

A few days pass by, and true to his word Jensen hasn't tried anything.

 

  He's going crazy with _needcravewantmusthavenow_ but he hasn't acted on it. Jared asked him, and Jensen can see how hard it is on him, too. He wonders if he'll ever be ready to put it all on the line and try, try to build something with someone he can't truly see and who can't truly hear him.    
Talking about starting out on the wrong foot.

 

  Now, though, he has other thoughts running through his head, like _I'm gonna cut his hand away if he grabs Jared's shoulder once more._ Ok, he knows Chad has always been Jared's best friend, he knows they’ve shared everything and Jared told him he owes the person he is now to Chad, but still he doesn't understand why they must be always touching, laughing and generally looking happy.  

 

Jared never looks that happy when he's with him.

 

  Besides, after work, everyday, Jared and Chad go back to _their_ apartment, and even if Chad has a girlfriend (and an amazing one at that, Sophia is one of the best girls Jensen knows and one of the few he wouldn't mind that much switching teams for) he's always with Jared.

 

  Jensen even asked Sophia one night if she minded that a great part of Chad's free time was being snatched away by Jared, and she shook her head before smugly asking the same question back at him. Jensen had huffed and then stormed out, but she actually had a point.  

 

Even now: they're sharing their lunch break and Chad is throwing bread crumbs at Jared, while he tries to catch them opening his mouth.  
  It’s ridiculous, and they're acting like kids and making fools of themselves, but...there's a simplicity and an intimate vibe between them that he can't even begin to think how to break.  

 

Jensen wants to kick himself: why the hell should he want to break them apart?   Jared is not _his_. He didn't want him to be.

 

  And it's for the best, Jensen knows it, but when Jared lifts his head, sees him and waves at him with probably one of his blinding smiles the make up girls keep talking about, he's suddenly not so sure about what's really best for him. 

 

 

 The set is being made ready, and Jensen is tuning his guitar, when Tom comes by. “Mind if I sit down?”    
Jensen motions towards the chair next to him.

 

  He's gotten good at recognizing Jared and Tom with a glance: Tom is always dressed so sharply it’s impossible not to notice how different it is from Jared's over-sized hoodies and washed jeans.    
“So, Jensen? I wanted to tell you how amazing I think you are. I mean, your voice? It’s incredible. I'm so proud to be the one carrying it onscreen.”

 

  Jensen offers him a little smile. He's actually not sure he likes the gig all that much; he knows his name will be credited somewhere, but no one will ever be able to erase from listeners minds the idea that his voice is Tom's. It will make getting his own fans more difficult.  

 

It’s not the guy's fault, though, and Jensen accepted the job offer knowing there was this possibility, but come on, who in his right mind would have refused that much money to sing a single song?

 

  Tom clears his throat and Jensen realizes that the guy has been talking to him and he didn't hear a single word. “Sorry, man, I spaced out,” he says, and Tom shakes his head and puts a hand on Jensen's knee.  

 

“No problem. I guess there's a lot to handle here. It took me a while to get how this world works, and I don't think I'll ever truly get used to it; I got into it by total chance, after all, but maybe I could help you, if you wanted me to.” Tom's intentions are pretty clear, as usual, and as usual Jensen is tempted to accept but knows he won't.

   
His brain is stupid like this.

 

  “Thank you, Tom, really, you're always so keen to be of help, and it's flattering, but...”    
Tom's thumb starts drawing circles on his knee, and Jensen covers Tom's hand with his to still it.  
  He doesn't want his comfort, and the strength his body's using to inform him how _wrong_ Tom's hand feels makes him highly nervous.  

 

The action causes his stomach to clench and, even if he's not sure why, Jensen needs to stop it. “Tom, listen-”    
“Jensen, a word, **please.”**   

 

Jared's voice is so cold that Jensen actually _flinches._

 

  “Yeah?” he asks without even lifting his eyes, embarrassed by the display he's been an unwilling part of.  

 

“The director of photography wants to talk to you.”

 

  Jensen moves Tom's hand away from his knee and stands up. “So, _Mike_ wants to see me. What's with the pompous title?”

 

  Jared sneers. “Well, he _is_ the director of photography, Jensen. Sometimes people like to be acknowledged as what they are, you know.”

 

  Jensen blinks. What is Jared talking about? “People like Mike don't. He hates being called 'director', he says it makes him feel old,” he points out.  

 

Jared narrows his eyes. “Maybe I wasn't talking about him. Maybe there are other people that would like to know what they are, or where they stand.”

 

  Oh, _now_ Jensen gets it. “Maybe those other people should think about the message they send out, then, because it could be misunderstood and generate doubt and confusion,” he retaliates with a smirk.

 

Jared looks outraged. “Wha-when the message has been spelled out loud and clear, there's no way it can be misunderstood unless the person who misunderstands it has no brain!” He states.  

 

Jensen crosses his arms on his chest. “The no-brain person could have issues he needs to sort out before jumping into oblivion to follow an overgrown kid!”  

 

“Well, the overgrown kid could get tired of waiting at the bottom!”

 

  “Why doesn't he stop waiting, then?”

 

  “Maybe he will!” Jared exclaims.  
  

“Fine!” Jensen exclaims a little louder.  
  

“Fine!” Jared shouts back, then he groans, waves his hands in the air and stomps away.  
  Jensen blinks a couple of times. “What just happened here?” He mutters, looking at Tom.

 

Tom shrugs. “Don't ask me, dude.”

 

 

 

Jensen is still trying to wrap his mind around the absurd spat he just had with Jared, when, turning around a corner, he hears Chad's voice. He guesses the guy's on the phone by the way Chad talks and then stops as if to hear the answer before replying once again. He's talking about his life, the job, the last movie he saw.

 

Jensen's about to keep on walking when something he hears freezes him on the spot. “No, baby, you know I can't. Jared needs me, and I think I need him too. He makes me a better man.” Pause, and a light chuckle. “Actually, yeah. And not only that: I think I'm kinda in love.”

 

Jensen feels his heart skipping a beat.

 

Pause again, and then Chad's voice gets soothing. “Oh, no, baby, please, don't cry! You'll always be special, you're the most important girl in my life, that's not going to change. Come on, stop crying.” Another pause, longer, this time, and Jensen has to lean against the wall because he's afraid his legs won't support him much longer.

 

Chad-Chad is in love with Jared.

 

He's breaking up with Sophia _over the phone_ (the motherfucker doesn't even have the nerve to tell her to her face) to be with Jared.  

 

Jensen's so lost in the whirlwind of emotions fighting for predominance in his chest that he almost loses the next words.  

 

“No, I haven't said anything to anyone, yet. No, not even Jared knows. You have to promise me, babe, promise me you won't tell him! I don't know how he will react, I mean-this is _big_ , and I know he's not passing through the time of his life right now, but I need him to be there for me. And I know he will, like he always has, since we were kids. That's why I want to be the one who tells him. Come what may, if he finds out from someone else, he'll be hurt.” Little pause, and then a soft “Ok, then. I'll talk to you soon. Love you, forever and ever.”  

 

Jensen doesn't even have the time to think before he steps into Chad's personal space. The guy jumps when he sees him. “Jensen! Did-did you hear it?”  

 

Jensen clenches his fists as hard as he can manage to stop them from connecting with Chad's jaw. “Of course I did, you two-timing bastard” he hisses.

 

Chad blinks. “What are you talking about? Anyway, you can't say a word to Jared or Sophia about all of this, you hear me? It’s my mess, and I'm the one who has to sort it out.”  

 

Jensen steps closer to him, his jaw clenched so hard his teeth hurt. “If you think I'm going to help you in any way, you're wrong. How can you do this to Soph, eh? I knew it, I knew it from the very beginning. She was too good for a douche like you.”  

 

“Do _what_ to her? You're right, she's way too good for me, that's why I-”

 

  “That's why you turn to your best friend, who trusts you and loves you like a brother? Because you think he won't refuse you anything? Why is that?! Only because you saved his ass in the past?!”

 

Jensen grabs the lapels of Chad's jacket and smashes him against the wall. “You're one sick fuck, do you realize that?!”  

 

Chad's eyes grow wide and he tries to break free from Jensen's hold, but the guy's furious and doesn't move. “Jensen-Jensen, are you OK? I don't understand, I just want Sophia to hear it from me! And if she wants to say no, well, I'll disappear from her life, but if I don't try-”  

 

Jensen's grip gets a little tighter. “You should disappear from everyone’s life! You and your annoying laugh, you and your disrespect for personal space, you and your touchy-feely attitude! You and your fucking _best friend_!”

 

He lets Chad go, after smashing him against the wall once more.

 

Chad slides down the wall, coughing lightly and passing a hand around his neck.  
“Are you out of your mind?! Christ, Jensen, if you loved Sophia too don't you think you should have said something? Jared has been pining after you like a lovesick puppy, and that's just cruel.”

 

Jensen narrows his eyes. “Now don't turn the tables on me, jerk. You're the one who made Sophia believe you liked her while you were secretly lusting after Jared! Who's the cruel one, now? You weren't even man enough to tell her in person, you had to break the news to her _over the damn phone!_ ” He spits the last part without even looking at Chad.  

 

That's why he's so surprised when Chad starts laughing, so hard he still coughs here and there but can't bring himself to stop. “This...oh, my God, this is...this is...” Chad stutters in between laughter and coughing.  

 

 _Well, I guess the fucker just completely lost his goddamn mind. Hallelujah._ Jensen thinks, assisting in disbelief to the guy coming undone in front of his eyes.

 

  After a while Chad hits his head back against the wall a couple of time to try and calm himself down. “Jensen, I was talking to my little sister. I was telling her I can't go back home, because Jared needs me, and then she asked me if that was it or if I had met a girl.”  

 

Jensen's brain processes the information and recalls the phone conversation, then he looks at Chad, completely baffled, while he drops on a nearby chair.

 

He's a total idiot.

 

  “You know” Chad says, conversationally, like Jensen didn't try to choke him to death a few minutes before, “if your feelings for Sophia are this strong, maybe you should talk to her about them. Just saying.”  

 

Jensen arches an eyebrow. “I think we both know I wasn't talking about Sophia, you idiot.”  

 

“Who were you talking about, then?” Jared's voice hits Jensen like a bucket of cold water. He opens and closes his mouth but no sound comes out.

 

  Chad giggles, standing up. “I'll leave you two to it,” he states. “I have a girl to declare my love to.” With these words, he leaves the room with his three occupants: Jared, Jensen and the huge elephant who is now in the room.

 


	5. Chapter Five

 

Jensen is still in the same position he was before Chad left, his eyes focusing alternatively on the clothes hanging from the rack, his shoes, the wall, anywhere but Jared.  

 

He feels so stupid and ashamed; he didn't simply attack Jared's best friend for no reason at all, he also acted like a jealous teenager.

 

  The hand on his shoulder makes him jump. He turns abruptly to stare at Jared, who is clenching his hands on his chest. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was talking to you, you didn't answer and so...” He bites his lower lip, eyes shifting nervously. “I need to know, Jensen. What was that all about?” Jared asks, trying a different approach.  

 

Jensen swallows. “I-I got it wrong,” he explains. “I overheard Chad on the phone and thought...I thought he was breaking up with Sophia to be-to be with you.”  

 

Jared takes a deep breath. “And if I overheard _you_ correctly, you didn't get that mad because of Sophia.”  

 

Jensen slowly shakes his head, unable to say anything else.

 

  Jared sighs, probably realizing he'll have to do all the work, and sits back on his heels in front of Jensen. “Jensen,” he calls out, softly “Jensen, look at me.”  

 

His hands go to cover Jensen's knees, caressing them slowly, and the gesture works surprisingly well, while Jensen wonders for a second about the difference between Jared's and Tom's touch: there's no contest, Jared's the one his body accepts.

 

  Jensen slowly relaxes, finally looking at Jared's face; it's new for him as always, but the warmth seeping from Jared's body to his is welcomed and familiar.

 

  “This is the last time I'm going to ask you this.” Jared says, determination shining in his eyes. “Do you want to be with me?” He asks, holding his breath while he waits for the answer.  

 

Jensen feels cold sweat drenching the back of his t-shirt, while the fear clenches at his heart and his blood rumbles in his ears. He's afraid, and part of him wants nothing more than stand up and run away, away from Jared and the way the guy makes him feel.  

 

For the first time, though, there's a part of him feeling that maybe is time for him to stop running. Is the same part that pushes him into tenderly cupping Jared's cheek and whispering his answer in Jared's ear.  

 

And if there's a third part that's screaming in his head that he's risking it all without knowing if it's worth it, when Jared jumps in his lap, beaming, and locks their lips in the most tender kiss he's ever experienced, well, Jensen can't bring himself to listen.

 

 

  The sound of the door being locked behind him brings Jensen back to the _here_ and _now_.  

 

 _This is really going to happen_ he says to himself, still stunned by the fact that Jared is here with him, he took him home and he's about to reward him with the most precious gift of all.  

 

Jensen is pretty sure he doesn't deserve it.

 

  One of Jared's large hands gently taps his shoulder, inviting him to turn around, and Jensen does. The mesmerizing man standing in front of him is one of the most beautiful things he has ever seen, and yeah, he won't recognize him in a room full of people, but now it's just them, and Jensen gets lost in the fearless glint he can see in Jared's eyes.

 

  The guy shifts closer, until their chest are touching. "Hey," he says, softly, while his fingers find their way under Jensen's shirt. "Hey," he repeats, starting to undo Jared's belt.

 

  It’s like there's a river of boiling lava running through his veins, and still he tries to slow down as much as he can because this moment is too perfect to be ruined by his eagerness to finally get inside of Jared's skin, as he's gotten inside Jensen's right from day one when Jensen was dragged to him by some mysterious force.  

 

After the belt he unbuttons and unzips Jared's pants, while he mimics the same actions on Jensen; they both smile, somewhat shyly, and if is comprehensible for Jared, that has never been naked in front of another human being (apart from his mom, but she totally doesn't count), in Jensen's case is next to absurd.

 

  He’s lost count of the people he’s had sex with, he should be used to getting undressed, and still...he wants Jared to like him, more than anything, and even if he's usually quite self-confident (he knows he can be) now everything's new, unknown and freaking scary.  

 

Jared probably senses his discomfort, because he caresses his lower lip with his thumb, sighing loudly when Jensen opens his mouth to place a couple of wet kisses on it. "I'm here, Jensen," he says. "Look at me."  

 

The words are the same he said to him back at the studio, but now they gain a completely new meaning, because now is not _look at my **face**_. No, now Jared's talking about something different.  

 

He sheds Jensen's undone shirt down his shoulders, and traces the contours of his biceps with curious fingers. Jensen feels tipsy and he's about to giggle, but then Jared's exploring palms meet his nipples and the laughter gets stuck inside his throat.

 

"Tell me what you want," Jared asks, "tell me how you like it. I want it to be so good."   

 

His voice shakes a little, unsure, and Jensen can't help pulling him against his chest and kissing him deeply, remembering he's new to all this and he's probably a little overwhelmed.

 

  "This is not about me, Jay. There will be time for you to learn everything about it; tonight, I want to take care of you. Will you let me?"

 

  Jared looks straight into his eyes, and Jensen's heart skips a beat. If being faceblind means having the chance of learning Jared's precious features all over again every time he looks at him, maybe is not such a bad condition, after all.  

 

Jensen brings his hands around Jared's naked shoulders, and caresses the sides of his necks with his thumbs, making the boy shiver.

 

  Jared lays his head back and closes his eyes, letting out a little breathy moan; that's when Jensen knows he's lost, completely, and he knows that no matter how hard he could have tried to avoid Jared and resist him, he would have ended like this, with him, because that's where he belongs.  

 

Jensen gently pushes Jared towards the bed, until the back of his knees hits the mattress and he lets himself fall on it. He lays there, only a sliver open of his captivating eyes, still so new to Jensen, and an inviting smiling on his curved lips.  

 

Jensen takes off his boxers and crawls on the bed, letting their groins rub against each other and hissing at the delicious friction the movement generates.

 

He already had a taste of how hot and welcoming Jared's body can be, and now that they are staying so close, their warmth passing from one body to the other, he can't wait to be closer still: nothing else matters anymore to him but the lithe body pliant in his arms.

 

  Jared entangles his fingers in Jensen's hair to pull him closer and be able to kiss him.    
Their kisses start to get a little more frantic, and their hands start to roam on autopilot over chests, arms, hips. When Jensen's palms begin caressing Jared's ass, he whimpers.

 

"Jensen..." he whispers, getting impossibly closer to him, their erections brushing against each other.  

 

Jensen chuckles. "Jared, if you keep rubbing against me like this, we will finish before we've even begun..." he doesn't have to see Jared's face to know he's blushing furiously.

 

Suddenly, Jensen can't wait anymore. "Do you have-" he starts asking, but before he can even finish the sentence Jared's already scrambling towards his bedside table to retrieve lube and a condom from the drawer.  

 

Jensen arches an eyebrow, and Jared blushes even more, if possible. "I-I bought everything after that night with you at the bar," he confesses looking everywhere but at Jensen. "I couldn't help hoping that maybe, someday...you'd come back here with me."  

 

Jensen wraps his arms around Jared to get him closer once more, so close he can feel his breath on his cheek. "Looks like you were right," he whispers in Jared's ear, and feels his smile, more than he sees it.

 

 

  Tom knew it was going to happen, he expected it from that first afternoon he saw them together.  
  The telltale signs were all there, and he found himself actually expecting it.

 

Because yeah, in the beginning he just honestly wanted Jensen (maybe because he felt like they had some kind of unfinished business) but it stopped being about Jensen and started being about revenge pretty quickly.  

 

Jensen hurt him, destroyed his life and then jumped on the pieces, always with that goddamn gorgeous smile on his pretty face that made impossible to hold a grudge against him for long.

 

  Point is, Tom is a patient man. He has waited for Jensen first and for his revenge later during more than three years, and now he has the perfect opportunity to make the bastard suffer as much as Tom suffered.

 

  If someone else is going to be hurt in the process, well, no one ever said that life is fair. Besides, they're making it way too easy for him not to take advantage of it.  

 

A face blind and a sound blind man _together?_  
  

Please.  
  

Sounds like a bad joke.  
  

He's still chuckling at the absurdity of the whole situation while he knocks at the door of Kripke's office, at the end of the day, and waits for the voice inside to let him come through.

 

  He knows the director is still there, and he knows that, if he sorts this all out before leaving, for the first time in three years he will sleep well.

 The morning light comes through the blinds, and the alarm clock still hasn't rang. Jared stretches lazily, before he tries rubbing the sleep from his eyes and realizes he can't move his arm. That's when he looks down and is greeted by Jensen's sleeping face. An unknown and still welcomed warmth blooms in the center of his chest, quickly extending towards all of his body.  

 

He tries to disentangle his limbs from Jensen's, but even while sleeping the guy's on alert and tightens his hold of Jared, growling softly.  Jared chuckles, resigned at not being able to move until His Majesty considers it convenient. They still have a little while before they have to get up and get ready for work.

 

  Remembering what kind of nightmare Jensen is when he hasn't drunk his coffee yet, he sends a text message to Chad.  

 

_Man, R U home? If Y, bring a cup of coffee, black, 2 sugars 2 my room K? Tnx I O U 1. PS: no noise, please._

 

 After a few minutes, he hears padded footsteps outside his door and then Chad opens it, wearing only an oversized Rangers t-shirt Jared's brother sent as a joke.  

 

Chad would never admit it, but is the most damn comfortable piece of clothing he owns. He opens his mouth, probably to bitch about not being Jared's butler, _and what's with the noise veto, anyway-_     
But he stops on the threshold when he sees Jensen.  
  

He's so surprised he almost lets the cup fall; he succeeds in avoiding the accident, though, even though some coffee spills on the parquet. “What the-” he whispers, pointing at the sleeping man.  

 

“We'll talk later,” Jared whispers back, extending his hand to get the cup and sparing an adoring glance at Jensen. “Thanks, man,” he says with a big beaming smile, and Chad smiles back before silently retreating and closing the door.  

 

He shakes his head and chuckles softly to himself, before going towards the kitchen to get some proper food in his stomach.

 

  He'll need it if he has to metabolize properly what he just saw.

 

 

  
 

“Is he gone?” Jensen's voice startles Jared, then he looks down and sees the guy smirking at him.  

 

“You cheater!” Jared squeals, indignantly. “Just for this, you don't get coffee.”  

 

“What!” Jensen protests “I need coffee!” He proceeds then to imitate Jared's famous pout, and Jared laughs.   “Oh, ok, you big baby.” Jared concedes, giving him the cup.  

 

Jensen smells deeply at the warm drink, before taking a sip. “This is the stuff Heaven's made of,” he states, sighing happily.  

 

Jared looks at his delighted face and bright eyes, and silently agrees.

 

 

 “What?!” Jared stares at Mike, his mouth hanging open.  

 

Mike nods, clasping his shoulder friendly. “You heard me, Jay-Man. Eric would like for you to be Tom's stand-in for the rest of the shooting. And yeah, maybe is not all that thrilling, but it means gorgeous clothes, an interesting bonus for your paycheck and a more relaxed job. What do you say?”  

 

Jared blinks. “Well, I guess that...but what am I supposed to do, exactly?” He asks.  

 

“Let's see,” Mike explains. “A stand-in is a person who substitutes for the actor before filming, for technical purposes such as lighting.    
As you know better than anyone, lighting setup can be a slow and tedious process the actor could use to do something else, like reading lines, revise scenes and so on. Besides, since you know how it all works, you will be a lot more helpful in lighting the set and focus scenes. Also, Eric may ask you to deliver some scene dialogue and walk through the scenes to be filmed in order to speed up the day's production. With a little luck, you'll be recorded and who knows who might end watching the tape...”

 

He winks at Jared. “I think it would be a great opportunity for you, Jared, honestly.”  

 

“But I don't look like Tom.” Jared objects.

 

“Stand-ins don't necessarily have to look like the actors they're replacing,” Mike answers, “they simply need to have the same skin tone, hair color, height and build as the actor so that the lighting in a scene will be set up correctly.”  

 

“What did I miss?” Tom asks, approaching the group.

 

  “Eric wants me to be your stand-in.” Jared explains, still looking skeptical.  

 

“Really? That's great! I always thought we looked kinda similar...actually I was the one who suggested it a couple of times. I'm so glad Eric took my opinion into account! Now I really feel part of the family.” He ends his short speech with a practiced, friendly smile, and Jared reciprocates it with the same eagerness.  

 

“I guess I'll accept, then” he says, and Tom whoops internally.  
  

Obviously, is not exactly true he _suggested_ Jared for the job; he pushed the idea on the director, quite forcefully, but what do they say? _Desperate times call for desperate measures._

 

 

 Seeing Jared on the stage, even if he was only a temporary replacement for lighting adjustments, is enticing in a way Jensen would have never expected.

 

The guy's a natural, the eyes in the room are drawn to him, his voice is loud and clear...he has scenery presence, and that's not something you can learn at school.  

 

You either have it or you don’t.

 

  The director calls for a break and the staff scatters. Jensen is revising some small changes he wants to suggest for the arrangement of the song when two strong arms pull him back. He turns abruptly, relaxing when he sees dark hair and tall body. “Hey, stranger,” he greets Jared.    
He's quite surprised by Jared's suddenly perky demeanor: they didn't talk properly about how they wanted to act while at work, hell, they didn't even truly define what they're doing!

 

  Still, he somehow assumed Jared would have wanted to take things one step at a time, being his first relationship and stuff. When Jared grabs his arm and basically manhandles him behind a curtain, he realizes he was wrong. Not that he has any complaints about it, though.  

 

One of Jared's hands grabs his bicep to get him closer, and then the guy nuzzles at Jensen's neck, biting his skin lightly.

 

  “Ah...Jay...don't-don't start something you don't intend finish,” he pants, his breath already coming out in small puffs.  

 

Jared chuckles, and his free hand palms Jensen's half hard cock.

 

  Jensen's getting turned on, obviously, but something's off.  
  What's wrong?

 

  “Jared-Jared, stop, please, not here, okay? Later, when-ah!”  
  Jared has bitten the juncture between neck and shoulder, effectively shutting him up, and Jensen tries to relax. They won't have a chance as a couple if he doesn't start learning to trust Jared.  

 

He leans against the wall and closes his eyes, letting his tactile memory guide him in touching Jared. The guy smiles against his neck, feeling his surrender, before he leans in to kiss Jensen.

 

  And then, everything comes tumbling down, because Jared never kissed him like this, with fury, desperation, _hate_.  

 

This is _not_ Jared.

 

  Jensen tears his head away and tries to break free from the hold the guy has on him. “Wha-Tom, what are you doing? Let me go! I told you I'm not interested,” he hisses, trying to sound less scared than he is.  

 

Tom moves his head back a little, offering him a leering smile. “Uh, it took you quite a while to figure out I wasn't your little boyfriend, don't you think? Why is that? Wouldn't it be because you can't recognize people's faces, now, would it?”  

 

Jensen turns deadly pale, and tries with even more strength to break Tom's hold.

 

He groans in frustration when he can't, so he uses the anger that's mounting inside of him to fight against his fear.  

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” he growls through clenched teeth.

 

Tom slowly shakes his head, his grip on Jensen's wrists getting tighter.

 

“Jensen, Jensen, Jensen. You should learn to pay more attention. You know, when you fuck a different guy every night without even knowing what they look like, chances are that sooner or later some old friend will drop by.”

 

  Jensen stares at the guy in front of him, brow furrowed in confusion.

 

Tom sighs. “Ok, seems like I have to do all the work. Well, let's start from something easy: how did you get like this, Jensen? Were you born _faceblind_?”  

 

Jensen looks at his feet. He won't say another word to this motherfucker.  

 

“We both know you weren’t.” Tom continues, ignoring him. “We both know you became faceblind after an accident with a car _you_ were driving, and you were _drunk_ , even though you swore you were sober enough to drive.  
Do you remember that night, Jensen? That was a guy sitting next to you. Do you know what happened to him?” Tom initially sugary voice is getting drier and more violent by the second, and his words force Jensen's bigger guilt to surface.  

 

Jensen feels his stomach clench. He knows he has been an asshole, through it all. He vaguely remember that night; he was drinking with Chris, then a kid approached them, openly staring at him.

Jensen wanted to fuck, and didn't care about anything else but finding a secluded place where he could take the kid pants down and ram his ass; then, once he had woken up after the accident and found out what happened to him, he completely forgot about the kid.  

 

He feels so ashamed of himself that he has to close his eyes.

 

  He would totally cover his ears so he wouldn’t have to listen anymore, if Tom didn't have his arms pinned against the wall. Tom gets closer, his breath warm against Jensen's cheek.

 

“He was in a coma for 5 weeks, and it took him 5 more months to get back as he was before. He almost lost a year at school, due to the semester he needed to recover, but he studied hard, because he wanted to graduate as soon as possible to be able to come looking for you. Because you left him there to die, you never went to visit him and you left town without a single word.”  

 

Jensen tries to say something in between, he tries to explain how he felt; he wanted Tom to realize he was a kid too, back then, he didn't know how to face something as immense as what had happened to him, but Tom doesn't listen to him and keeps on going.

 

“So the kid came here, looking for you, and he finally found you, in that crappy bar you work at as an _entertainer_.”

 

Tom spats the last word with mockery and blatant disgust. “He found you, approached you and you went home with him.”  

 

Jensen, who has stopped breathing when Tom spoke about meeting at the bar, terrified by the idea that Jared was that kid, relaxes a little.  

 

“You motherfucker!” Tom shouts suddenly, slamming him violently against the wall, and Jensen's eyes open wide while he finally gets it.

 

“Do you think there's only that idiotic jerk in the world?! No, is not him I'm talking about, but myself! I spent two years of my fucking life pining after you, and after that night I didn't say a word about you, not once, because I wanted to protect you. Hell, I looked for you _everywhere_ , I believed we would be happy together once you would have taken your head out of your ass long enough to realize it...but looks like your head _was_ your ass all along.”

 

Tom licks a stripe of skin behind Jensen's ear. “I wanted you because I loved you. Now, though? Now you _repulse_ me.”  

 

Jensen feels tears of shame pool in his eyes. “Tom, I-I'm sorry. I didn't know. It's true, I've been the worst scum on earth for doing this to you. I didn't mean to, I swear, please, believe me!”  

 

Tom narrows his eyes. “Oh, I believe you,” he hisses, “I believe that _now_ you're sorry, now that I've smashed it all into your face! But where were your apologies when I was lying alone and hurt in an hospital bed? Where were your apologies while I wandered around a city I'd never been to, looking for your face in the crowd?”  

 

The guy lets one of Jensen's wrist go, just to curl a hand around his neck. “Where were your apologies while you left me saying I wasn't enough for you to stay?”

 

  Tom lets Jensen's other wrist go too, and punches the whole right next Jensen's head. “You stole my youth and shredded my dreams, Jensen. Now it's finally time someone does the same to you.”  

 

Tom grabs Jensen's shoulder, effectively pinning his whole body to the wall, and leans against his neck once more, biting and sucking, no finesse, no will to excite but just to punish.

 

  “Tom...Tom, please, stop. You said it yourself, you don't feel anything for me anymore, you don't want me. So why are you-” Tom's smile is disturbing while the guy unbuttons Jensen's pants and lets his fingers slide inside of his boxers to wrap them around Jensen's limp cock. “That doesn't mean we can't have some fun, uh? If I recall correctly, you weren't feeling anything for me either while you were pounding me through the mattress six months ago.”  

 

Tom's groin rubs against Jensen's leg and, even if Jensen would give anything for it not to be this way, Tom's ministrations are getting the effect he wants.  

 

Jensen's cock is getting hard, there's no escaping it.

 

  “Good boy.” Tom coos him ironically, “show me how bad you want it, come on.”  

 

Jensen, to avoid making any sound at all, bites his lower lip so hard it bleeds, and Tom licks the blood away, while his free hand cups Jensen's ass.    “Wanna discover how does it feel to ride a cock, Jensen? Bet you do. I bet you've been dreaming about it. I think your boy's quite the grower, you know.”

 

  Jensen whimpers, his eyes closed, while he tries to send his mind somewhere else, faraway, where all of this will just be a nightmare. Maybe he should just let his body take over: if he comes, then Tom could consider himself satisfied and let him go.  

 

Maybe, after this is all over, he can go fetch Jared with an excuse and then run back to Jared's room with him, in his arms, like he's getting used to waking up.

 

“Tom, please-” he starts begging him to stop, again, but then he hears a strangled cry and then the noise of glass breaking.

 

  There's only one person who would get so shocked by this.

 

  “Jay!” he calls out.    
Tom ignores both of them and simply flickers his wrist in a way that makes Jensen's knees buckle.

 

  Jared steps back and then runs away; Jensen just hears his steps, because he keeps his eyes closed, unable to bear an expression that, faceblind or not, would crush him.

 

  As soon as Jared's gone, Tom suddenly releases Jensen, who lets himself slip down against the wall, until he's sitting on the floor. Jensen curls up and hides his face against his knees.  

 

“Now you know what being robbed of your first love means.” Tom says. He starts walking away, but he stops before he turns the corner. “You were faceblind long before the accident, Jensen.”  

 

[](http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e187/marty_rurulove/BigBang/WalkByFaith_seeingdouble.png)

 

Jensen loses count of the hours that pass by, as well as the tears he sheds.

 

For Jared, for Tom, for himself, for everyone he hurt, but especially for losing the only good thing that ever happened to him.

 

  Finally, he retrieves his cellphone from his pocket and checks it anxiously: no phone calls, but there's a voicemail.

   _How could you hurt me like that and stomp on my heart, after I gave you everything I had?_  
Why did you have to lie to me, make me think I meant something?  
What did I ever do to you to make you act this cruelly?  
Why did you make such a fool of me?  
You know, Jensen, one day you'll find out just what it's like, someday someone will hurt you in the same way, and that day you'll be the one to cry.  
Now you think that you're immune, but someday everything you did will turn around on you, and you're gonna pay, you're gonna taste the tears I cried over you, and you're gonna know the same pain that you put me through.  
I'm leaving the job, so I won't have to see you.  
Don't you even try to call me.  
For me, you're dead. 

Jensen lets the phone slide down, from his hand to the concrete, and he doesn't care if it breaks.  
  Jared's words broke something way more important inside of him. “All of this will happen sooner than you think, Jay.” He murmurs to the empty room.


	6. Chapter Six

 

Chad enters the bar with narrowed eyes.

 

  He plans on killing the motherfucker, he wants to tear his intestines out of his nose and then hang him with them.

 

  Also the idea of choking him with his own dick after Chad has cut it off sounds fascinating.

 

  He approaches the bar and stares at Jensen, who has deep dark shadows under his eyes; his skin, paler than usual, makes them look even greener and bigger. He looks incredibly young and fragile, and for the first time Chad realizes he can’t be that much older than them.

 

  He would probably take pity on him if his best friend wasn't just as miserable or maybe even worse, and Chad feels guilty, because last time he has faced a similar situation he made the wrong decision and pushed Jared straight into the arms of the one who would cause him more pain.  

 

Just like that, his fury rages back as strong as before.

 

He punches the counter to attract Jensen's attention; it's weird that the guy didn't notice him, since he's been throwing daggers at his back. “Wait there, man, can't you see there's a queue? It’s just a drink, anyway, and it's going to fuck-up your liver, so why are you that anxious to die?”  

 

Chad stares at the guy with his mouth hanging open in disbelief. Has Jensen gone crazy?

 

  But things get all worse when Sophia comes back at the bar too, because Jensen turns abruptly towards her. “Have you seen him? Is he here? Did he come?”  

 

Sophia's expression is sad and resigned. “No, darling, I haven't, he isn't and he didn't.”    
Jensen sighs and hunches his back as if he's carrying the weight of the world.

 

“At least let me know when Chad gets here,” he adds, “maybe he will tell me where Jared is.”    
Chad's eyes open wide.    
_What the-_

 

  Finally Sophia sees him and walks to him. “Hey babe,” she greets him, but Chad keeps staring at Jensen. “Chad, is everything okay?” she asks, worried.  

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Chad says, waving his hand dismissively. “Listen, Soph, have you noticed anything... _weird_ about Jensen?”  

 

Sophia blinks. “What is _not_ weird about that kid,” she mutters.  

 

“No, I mean,” Chad tries to explain, “some kind of issue with customers?”

 

 “Apart from the fact he fucks them all and acts like he doesn't recognize them the day after? No.”  

 

Chad ponders. “Didn't he say he wants to talk to me?”    
“How do you know that?”  
  “I have good hearing. Tell him I’ll wait for him next to the pool table.”  

 

Sophia looks at him oddly, but nods and goes to tell Jensen, who's face lights up as he walks through the bar to get to where Chad had said he was going to wait for him.

 

  He stops on his way to collect some empty glasses and to chitchat with some patrons.    
So there goes the _secretly blind_ theory.

 

  Chad is actually a little more on the right, but anyone with a normal vision would spot him; Jensen, however, gets exactly in front of the pool table and then proceeds to look nervously left and right.   

 

Chad crosses his arms on his chest, looking at the scene: he sees Jensen getting closer to one or two other patrons and almost approach them before sighing and giving up, going back to the bar.

 

  It all looks strangely familiar, but he can't place it until Jensen reaches the bar and stares at the girls behind the counter for a second before saying something to Sophia.

 

  Sophia is wearing the same red shirt she has been since the first day Chad met her, when she told him she was the only one wearing a uniform because the manager said she looked at her best wearing it.

 

  Suddenly it all comes back to Chad and his eyes grow wider at the unexpected realization.

 

He grabs his jacket from the stool and storms out of the bar, trying to get home as fast as possible to verify his theory.  

 

He'll send an apology to Sophia later.

 

 

  **4 YEARS AGO**  
 

When Chad first met Jared Padalecki, he saved him from being publicly humiliated.

 

At 16, Jared was still in his exploration phase, and as such he decided to pine after the prettiest girl at school, probably because he already knew he liked guys, but still wasn't ready to admit it, and an unattainable girl was the perfect transit choice.

 

Jared was an easygoing, friendly kid, always ready to offer his help to anyone who needed it, the first to smile when things didn't go how they were supposed to and the last one to admit defeat. Almost everyone liked him, except those who thought he was too good to be true.

 

Turned out it was true, Jared couldn’t hear properly.

 

His actual condition was too hard for High School kids to understand, and the only thing that became immediately clear was that Jared was _different_ and that wasn't something the popular kids were about to accept easily.  

 

That's why they got together to plan the prank of the year; everyone at school knew about Jared's crush on Kimberly, so they decided to call him on the phone introducing themselves as her, and lead Jared on as long as possible, maybe recording him.

 

Now, Chad has never been a particularly brave kid, but he genuinely liked Jared.  
He was the only one who didn't look annoyed when Chad asked about something he didn't get during a lesson, he lent him his notes and taught him tricks to improve learning.

 

Besides, even if he couldn't understand if Chad was happy or sad if he couldn't look him in the face, he was empathic, and usually compensated his condition with all his might.

 

So yeah, Chad was not brave, but he knew his way around a recording studio, since he collaborated with the school radio. He changed the recording parameters so that the recorded part was, in fact, only the jocks one.

 

When they played it on the school radio, the only thing the students were able to hear was a bunch of popular kids pretending to be girls.

 

They were the laughing stock of the school for months, after that.

 

Once the danger was averted, Chad got together with Jared's parents (they never told Jared anything about this, because they knew he would get hurt) and they concluded that, from then on, Jared would have to try to avoid answering the phone where possible, and for many years he succeeded in only answering ‘booked calls’ he planned in advance with friends and family, so that he knew who to expect when the telephone rang at a certain time; he also tried to introduce himself with his second name instead of the first to his co-workers, so he would know that it was someone related to his job when they called and asked for him using that name.

 

Since that fateful day at High School, Chad vowed to protect Jared and be there for him, and he has never failed to do so during the last 4 years.

 

 

Jared hides his head under his pillow, but the noise doesn't go away.

 

He groans and goes back to counting ships, stars, chickens, _anything_ that will give him a few hours of serenity.

 

He misses Jensen like a severed limb, and it doesn't make it any easier.  
The noise on the other side of the door gets louder, and Jared can only imagine how much Chad is screaming.

 

Poor neighbors.

 

“Open up, motherfucker! I know you're there!”

 

Jared realizes that he's not going to be able to sleep if he doesn't listen to Chad first; his best friend can be a royal pain in the ass if he wants to (besides, there's a little voice in his head informing he's not going to sleep anyway).

 

He opens the door and tries to glare at him, but Chad enters, still dressed up and smelling like smoke and cheap perfume, waving some printed pages.

 

“What is it, Chad? I was trying to sleep.”

 

Chad looks deadly serious, and Jared doesn't remember having ever seeing him like that. Maybe one time, when they were still in High School...anyway. Chad sits at Jared's desk. “Tell me, Jay,” he starts, “how did you manage to overcome your problem as much as possible?”

 

Jared blinks. “You're bothering me in the middle of the night to ask me about my soundblindness? Did you have some kind of accident that left you senseblind? Or maybe brainblind...”

 

“I'm serious, Jared. Answer the question.”

 

[ ](http://s39.photobucket.com/albums/e187/marty_rurulove/BigBang/?action=view&current=WalkByFaith_Jared2.png)

 

Jared sighs while his shoulders sag. “Well, I only answered to programmed calls, and tried to give everyone around me special words or codes to be sure it was actually them.”

 

Chad nods. “What else?”

 

“I always try to check who's talking to me before answering or starting a conversation, to avoid misunderstandings.”

 

Chad takes a deep breath and stares at the pages in his hands with a pensive look.

 

“Chad?!” Jared asks, exasperated.

 

“Well, I went to the bar tonight-”

 

“How could you!” Jared interrupts him, getting mad.

 

“Listen to me, you gigantic drama queen! I went to the bar and something quite peculiar happened. Jensen was there, I sat right in front of him and he didn't see me. In fact, he approached me as he had never met me before.”

 

Jared snorts. “Yeah, that's his specialty, don't you remember the wonderful _do I recognize that ass_ scene?”

 

Chad doesn't look amused at all. “What if,” he starts cautiously, “what if it wasn't a scene?”

 

Jared blinks again. “What do you mean?”

 

“I've been doing some research and...yours is not the only agnosia, you do know that, right?”

 

Jared nods, trying to understand what the point is that his friend is trying to make.

 

“Well, it turns out that there is also another pretty rare form of agnosia called _propagnosia_. Common name...” he stops for emphasis, “ _Faceblindness._ ”

 

Jared stares at him, eyes wide and mouth open. “You're not seriously implying that Jensen is agnosic as well, right? You can't possibly believe such an absurd thing!”

 

“I not only believe it, I can prove it.”

 

Chad gives Jared the papers, and he reads them, getting more interested each page he turns. “Ok, I admit this is interesting, but what has it to do with Jensen?”

 

“Think about it,” Chad suggests, “just...think about it. I will only tell you one thing: Sophia is the only girl at the bar (and there are several) who wears the same shirt every night. It’s not a suit, there's no logo and it's not sponsored.”

 

Jared shrugs. “She probably wears it because she likes it and that's it.”

 

  Chad shakes his head. “No. She told me her _manager_ asked her to always wear that shirt for some ridiculous reason. And you do know who her manager is, right?”  

 

“...Jensen.”  
  

“Exactly. Jensen, the same guy who I've seen almost approach a biker with an awful and scary face just because he was the same height as me and had blond hair. Jensen, that went back behind the counter and had to stare at a few waiters before finding Sophia, and you know why? Because she was wearing an _apron_ over the shirt.”  

 

Jared's expression goes blank. He would have never considered the hypothesis.

 

“So you're basically saying that Jensen puts on that asshole one night stand only act to avoid people realizing he _can't_ recognize them afterwards?”  

 

“Yup. I'm also saying that, based on what you told me, maybe you should ponder the idea that Tom framed him. I mean, by a total chance Jensen hooked up with Tom exactly after Tom himself got you a job where you and he look the same, instead of before, when Tom didn't do anything but throw himself at him...it’s a little suspicious, don't you think?”  

 

Jared doesn’t want to let himself hope, but in his head things are starting to take a different shape. He was so deep in thought that he kept turning pages without even seeing them, until his gaze focused on a sentence.

 

A single sentence that held the answer he was looking for.  

 

All or nothing.

 

  “Listen to me, Chad,” he says, resolution vibrating in his voice “there's only one way this can go down.”

 

 

 “Hello?” Jensen steps into the studio, surprised at the silence and the semidarkness around him.  

 

No one's around: a quick trip to the crew dressing room confirms to him that Jared's really gone, his locker is empty and cleaned up. He succeeded in entering because he still had his pass, even though he had already talked to Eric about leaving; his shootings as Tom's singing voice were done (thank God) and is not like he wants to stick around the guy, after all.

 

If possible, he would never want to see him again.

 

Of course, as luck wants it, it’s Tom that enters through the door.  

 

Jensen's heart gives a leap in his chest when he sees Tom’s outline approaching, but the guy greets him immediately, before getting close enough.

 

“Sorry, Jensen, just me.”  

 

Jensen flinches, and Tom looks ashamed. “Look, I-I'm sorry. Not for what I said, you deserved every single word and you know it. I'm just sorry I hurt Jared, and I'm sorry for how I acted. I just...I couldn't hold it all inside anymore.”  

 

Jensen would like to punch him, to scream at him that he can go fuck himself, because he ruined Jensen's life and he had no right of doing so-  
Then he focuses on the words themselves: it's exactly what he did to Tom in the first place.  

 

The guy was insanely blessed to have gotten out an accident as gruesome as theirs with no consequences; he could have injured his back and end up in a wheelchair, his face could have gotten disfigured, his body could have burned or damaged irreparably, and the same goes for his brain.  

 

And it would have been only Jensen's fault.  

 

“You don't have to apologize.” Jensen says in the end, “I'm the one who's sorry. But maybe this was what I needed to finally move on, you know? Even if I didn't consciously think of you, before now, looks like I've been carrying the guilt for that night with me all along.”

 

Jensen looks at Tom and doesn't see hate anymore, just a tiny flicker of remorse and regret.  

 

“I'm sorry for not being able to love you,” he adds, almost in a whisper, and Tom shakes his head.

 

“That's the only thing you had no power on.”

 

They stare at each other, not sure about what they could say to make it alright, until they finally both get to the conclusion that nothing they could say will make it alright, no matter what it is.

 

They've hurt each other, and they are going to pay for it.

 

The silence is still around them for a moment, then Tom gives Jensen a little wave before starting to walk away. “Tom?” Jensen calls him back.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Jensen offers him a little smile, as a peace offer. “I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me.”

 

Tom stares at him for a while, then slowly returns the smile. “Same goes for you.”

 

 

Jensen walks slowly through the studio parking, directed towards his car, but stops abruptly when he sees someone leaning against it. “We've gotta talk,” the guy says, and Jensen recognizes his voice.  

 

“Chad?! Has something happened to Jared?!” He asks, suddenly worried sick.  
  The guy shakes his head and Jensen lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, relieved.

 

“He's the reason why I'm here, though, even if you've probably guessed it.”  
Chad straightens himself and steps back from the car, walking towards him.  
“So, who's the two-timing bastard now?” He argues, smirking.

 

Jensen feels his cheeks burning. “I didn't cheat on Jared. I swear to God.”

 

“I believe you,” Chad states, surprisingly, and Jensen lifts his gaze on him, suddenly filled with hope. “I believe you, _however,_ ” Chad adds, lifting a finger, “Jared and I both know you lied to him.”

 

Jensen blinks. What is the guy talking about?

 

“You're faceblind, aren't you, Jensen?”

 

All the color leaves Jensen's face, as it did when Tom said it, but this time it's a million times worse, because his worst nightmare is coming true: Jared _knows._

 

Jared found out he's a pathetic excuse for a man and won't probably have anything to do with him anymore.

 

“God, what's up with you gay guys? What, being melodramatic is written in the job description? It’s not a problem, Jensen, fuck, Jared is _sound_ blind and you know it, how the hell do you think he could judge you for your condition? Are you really that stupid? Because if that's the case, maybe I'm wasting my time here.”  

 

Jensen's eyes grow wide.     
Is Chad saying that-it doesn't _matter_?!  
   _Seriously?!_

 

  “Listen, I'm here for a reason. You've hurt my best friend, and I was already wrong once about you, I'm so not going to put him through it all again.”

 

  Jensen feels the fear clutching at his chest, and it gets harder to breathe.

 

“But...” he struggles to erase the steadiness in Chad's voice “...I'm the only sound he can _hear_! That must mean something, right? We're meant to be, right?”

 

  Chad narrows his eyes. “Damn you, Jensen. Are you so _blind_ you can't see that you're also the only sound Jared would give anything to be able to ignore?” he hisses.  

 

Jensen lowers his head and clenches his fists. “Why are you here, then, Chad, if you're sure we're done for?”  

 

Chad shrugs. “I'm here because Jared decided to give _this_ , whatever it is, one last chance.”  

 

Hope blossoms again in Jensen's chest. “Anything,” he says, resolutely. “I'll do anything.”    
“It's easy, really,” Chad explains, opening the passenger door of his car and motioning for Jensen to get in.    
“You will just have to find him.”

 

 

Jared's plan is quite simple.

 

  From the research Chad had done results that faceblindness and soundblindness are quite similar; as for every soundblind person there's a single sound he'll be able to hear, for every faceblind there's one tiny detail he'll focus on and the whole face will become familiar.

 

  He'll never truly recognize the face, but still it will mean something for him.  
Exactly as Jensen's voice does for Jared.  
  And Jared decided to bet it all on this minute speck, and leave it to fate.

 

“If you're really meant to be, you will recognize him.” Chad says as they walk towards the college entrance. “If you don't, you better call it off now, man, because in a relationship as difficult and peculiar as yours if you're not both invested in the same way, you won't stand a chance.”  

 

Jensen knows he's right, he _knows_ , and still he's so afraid that he can't even lift his head.     
_What if he doesn't-_

 

  Then, the end of lessons bell rings, and the students start swarming out of the university building.    
Jensen hoped that, being that Jared is incredibly tall, it would have been easier for him to spot the guy, but it looks like only giants attend this faculty.  

 

“The basketball team here is one of the best in the country.” Chad informs him off-handedly, and Jensen glares at him.

 

_Of course it is._

 

 

Time passes by, and Jensen stays there, for hours, looking closely at each guy passing by, trying desperately to find Jared.

 

The sun is burning up in the middle of the sky; Jensen is sweating profusely, and he knows that on his face his freckles are reproducing.

 

Some guys look at him funny, as he gets closer to them and then steps back again, but Jensen doesn't care: none of them can understand that his whole future is at stake.

 

Chad watches the flocks of students as well, he knows Jared will be there soon and he also knows he has to stay still, but his heart aches, as Jensen comes back once more, the flame lighting up his green eyes a little less bright.

 

Finally, there he is.

 

Jared sees them, and his steps get quicker, as he's thinking about approaching them, but Chad arches an eyebrow.

 

He can't do that.

 

So Jared slows down and passes next to them without as much as a glance.  
Jensen is even looking in his direction, and still he doesn't see him.

 

Jared's eyes cloud up, and he lowers his head. He motions to Chad something like _see you at home_ and keeps walking, but then a tiny voice calls out for him.

 

“Wait for me, baby darling!”

 

Jared recognizes the endearment: it’s Sophia.

 

He stops and turns towards her, kind smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes, because the girl always did everything she could to make him happy, and he owes it to her.

 

She smiles back and waves.

 

That's when the inexplicable happens: suddenly, from nowhere and everywhere at the same time, there's a sparkle of hazel, the flash of a smile and Jensen knows it: that's him.

 

“Jared!” He calls out, and he can't be wrong, he can't, because _his heart is singing_ and reaching out to him, so Jensen follows.

 

He walks straight up to the guy and frames his face with trembling hands. Those eyes, that still he doesn't recognize, string a chord inside of him and Jensen holds his breath.

 

Under his fingertips, the guy swallows. “Nice to see you, Jensen” he whispers in a shaky voice, _Jared's_ voice, covering Jensen's hands with his, and Jensen feels like he could fly.

 

“Nice to finally **see** you too, Jay.”

 

**THE END**


	7. Disclaimers, ART & Thanks

**DISCLAIMERS:**  
  
  
Everything used in this fic is property of the respective owners.  
This is including but not limited to: the transcript from ER's episode "Miracle Worker" for the hospital scene, SKYPE for the snazzy little apples used as seperators in some parts.  
  
In the body of the work the following songs (which you can find in the fic's soundtrack) have been used:  
  
Monica Arnold - Fic Intro, Amber - Taste the Tears, Sasha - If You Believe, The Cab - Bounce, The Cab - Can You Keep a Secret?, and Plain White T's - A Long November.  
  
On another note, every disease described here is real, down to the fact that in documented cases of soundblindness/faceblindness, only one sound/face is recognizable.  
  
Jared's high school experience is take from similar experiences in the only documented case of genetical soundblindness, as are the ways he dealt with it (screening phone calls and such).  
  
  
  
  
  
**ART:**  
  
[](http://mashimero.livejournal.com/profile)[**mashimero**](http://mashimero.livejournal.com/) made some [**AMAZING**](http://community.livejournal.com/mish_mashi/9460.html) stuff for this fic.  
  
Really, I'm stunned by what she came up with.  
  
You are something else, girl.  
  
When I saw who claimed my fic I almost had a heart attack XD  
  
You gave a first class performance, dealt with all of my weird requests and last minute changes...you have been a real doll, and I'm so grateful I got to share this experience with you.  
  
  
  
  
  
**THANKS:**  
  
  
  
I'd like to thank [](http://ade-sparrow.livejournal.com/profile)[**ade_sparrow**](http://ade-sparrow.livejournal.com/) , [](http://eledh-3.livejournal.com/profile)[**eledh_3**](http://eledh-3.livejournal.com/) , [](http://deviant-dev.livejournal.com/profile)[**deviant_dev**](http://deviant-dev.livejournal.com/) , [](http://ckll.livejournal.com/profile)[**ckll**](http://ckll.livejournal.com/) , [](http://jeyhawk.livejournal.com/profile)[**jeyhawk**](http://jeyhawk.livejournal.com/) , [](http://trinipedia.livejournal.com/34710.html#)[**hayklock**](http://trinipedia.livejournal.com/34710.html#) , [](http://burned-phoenix.livejournal.com/profile)[**burned_phoenix**](http://burned-phoenix.livejournal.com/) , [](http://nightporters.livejournal.com/profile)[**nightporters**](http://nightporters.livejournal.com/) , and [](http://benskywalker88.livejournal.com/profile)[**benskywalker88**](http://benskywalker88.livejournal.com/) for cheering, general handholding and first reading(s) through.  
  
I wouldn't have been able to see the end of this without you, guys, thank you so much for everything!  
  
  
***  
  
  
[](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/profile)[**blueeyedliz**](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/) has been as awesome as usual; her beta'-ing made it all better and if you all liked the story, part is because of her.  
  
You rock, BB.  
  
  
***  
  
  
Last but not least, there's someone without whom this fic would have never been possible: [](http://free-pirate.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://free-pirate.livejournal.com/)**free_pirate**.  
  
She was with me during allnighters of planning, she filled the holes in the plot, she got my creative wheels going when they got stuck more than once.  
  
With her superior google-fu skills she found all the infos I needed and was desperate without (the ER episode transcript, for example).  
  
She even wrote 3/4 of this post because I was too snappy to do it XD  
  
Also, not strictly related to the fic but somehow connected to it is the fact that I've got to know her thanks to and because of this challenge, and this is something that will always make this fic special to me.  
  
So maybe _thank you for existing_ would be a little too sappy, even for us, but still...that's how I feel.  
  
I'm lucky, insanely lucky, to have you in my life, Berreh.  
  
  
  
**And you, who took your time to read this little story. Without you this story wouldn't have a purpose or a need to be, so...thanks to you too, I guess.**

**Author's Note:**

>  **Not Coming Down From:** [ HOME ](https://www.google.com/maps?q=HOME)  
> **Clawed Chained Heart:** bouncy  
>  **Under The Spell Of:** Mariah Carey "Right to dream"


End file.
